Whats the damn rush?

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In the lead up to turning 28 this year, I had my usual pre-birthday anxiety. For some reason I will go ‘all out’ for other peoples birthdays, but when it comes to mine…I am really not a fan. During the lead up I was thinking, ‘Oh my god…28 is proper adult age, isn’t this the age im meant to have my shit together!!?!?!!’
My family kept asking what I had planned for it and honestly, the more low key the better! So the days got closer and I was growing more anxious because this meant I was ageing and this was the oldest I had ever been and I was no longer in the cute ‘mid-twenties’ bracket I was officially in my ‘late-twenties’. My family and friends were walking on egg shells around me and honestly I just didn’t know how to cope with turning this one year older.

When the day finally arrived, I actually didn’t care. For the first time in years I actually didn’t care about turning another year older. Being 28, I feel really good. I had to remind myself that, mentally I am in the best frame of mind I have ever been in and physically I feel better than what I did at 18 years old. So you know what? I am embracing ageing. I dont know why I’ve experienced this shift in mindset but I think that im growing more mature and less bothered about giving a shit about things I dont need to.

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The hands of time will keep moving, it will drag you kicking and screaming and you have no choice but to go along for the ride.

Who says that by this age I should be engaged? or even thinking of getting engaged if I had a serious partner of 2.5 years. Who says that I should be pumping out some babies or at least be thinking about pregnancy (OR at the very least be coming off my birth control). Who says that I should be in a proper ‘stable’ career and not at Uni as a mature age student? Who says I should be investing in my first home or even saving for one? Honestly who? … Cause if I find them I will politely tell them to mind their own god damn business.

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I am 28 and I am working on my own timeline, the one that I have set for me. You want to know whats at the top of my list? 1) Being happy with myself, finding out who I am and what I like and the things I want to put my energy into.
I am in no rush to settle down to the standards of what society thinks we should all be doing as we get older.

In saying that, if you want to get engaged, married, start having babies and buying houses – then all power to you ! But everyone needs to start doing them and stop worrying about what other people are doing. Don’t rain on my parade.

We all get to where we need to go in the end, so why the rush?

G.S xx

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The Dating Game

Dating. It’s a word we all know and use, but do we really know what it means?
I’m a single 27-year-old and by now, I’ve seen some things.
Hell, I saw some things years ago, when I was much younger. I admit that some of those things were red flags, which I blindly ignored, probably because I didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ or appear to be a ‘psycho’.
Psycho – you know that word men love to throw at you, when you make a simple request like, ‘maybe clean the toilet before I come over later?’ –
I’m sorry, but guys come on, some clean sheets and a quick tidy will impress a woman more than having to sleep on a dog hair ridden bed.

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I recently ended a relationship with a guy who I loved and foolishly saw a future with.
It just so happened that he was moving to Canada for a year which was actually a compromise because he had originally wanted to go for two years. We had been dating for six months before he left to go, and for that six months it was like a grey angry cloud that loomed over our relationship.
I will admit that I never discouraged him from going because I was of the belief that he will miss me SO much, that he’ll come back to me and we will be happier than ever. What’s the saying? ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’?
To cut a long story short I waited faithfully for six months to see him, travel to him and have a beautiful holiday with him, only for us to break up in the middle of a street somewhere in Vancouver after he admitted to cheating on me.

So…. like any boss bitch would do, I grieved for that relationship and then moved on with my life.
Because let’s face it, why cry over a man that it doesn’t work out with?
If it was never going to work, he took the trash out for me- so thanks sweetie…

Much like every other millennial – I got back out there, and when I say ‘out there’ I mean Tinder.
You know that wonderful geo matching app that makes you feel like a piece of meat and for some reason guys just want to send you pictures of their junk at 3:40 in the afternoon?
Like, OK buddy – not all of us want to see that.
My friend, who is now engaged to a lovely guy, has been advising me, ‘G- please change your profile to read that you are looking for a relationship, It’ll help weed out the ones that are just after a hook-up’.
Well, you would think so hey?…… NO! It doesn’t.

So being the ball buster I am, I stepped up my dating game.
I match with them, we chat for 2.5 seconds and I be upfront.
I say, ‘I am not into the hook-up thing because I am worth more than that’- And trust me, if they don’t like that, they un-match you very fast.

Anyway, recently I have become a little smarter about my dating life, sure…
But I ask, when did it become ‘slutty’ to date more than one man at a time?
I am not talking ‘super fun sexy’ time either. I mean going for dinners, drinks, hanging out on the grass looking at the clouds (did that recently on a date, really sweet).
I want to be wooed and have a man think im not always there waiting by my phone for when they text or call and I want them to think I have a life.
Little hint, they love when you have your own stuff going on, a busy woman is attractive.

And also, why are we putting all our eggs into the one basket? Because I know for fact they aren’t just chatting to the one girl.
But yet as women we seem to meet a guy and then that’s it!! We invest all of our energy into him, we rehearse our wedding vowels (to ourselves) in the mirror,  until he ruins it by giving us major red flags.

So currently, I am chatting to a few guys, arranging ‘non sexual’ dates and keeping my ‘texting language’ very neutral and non-committal. So far it seems to be working.
Yes, my social calendar is busy trying to arrange dates.
Yes, it’s a little overwhelming –  but so what?

I cap my dates to a maximum of four hours because I have a life, but more importantly, I want them to know that I am not just going to be there all time.

And yes, I am doing this all with what feels like NCIS precision.

But I am playing a smarter game. Because it is a game and that’s not a bad thing.
It’s a fun game where the end prize is love and we all want to be loved.
Dating is fun, and it should be.
I like to go for drinks and get to know a man, treat it like you are interviewing that person for the role of potential partner, (they are doing that same thing to us).
And we all know that you don’t just hire any idiot that walks in off the street.

So ladies, I encourage you to get out there and stand up for yourselves.
Know that you are beautiful and you should be treated like the queens you are.
And stop settling for mediocre dates, guys not texting you back, and Tinder dick pics.

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G.S xx

#Twentyseven lessons

#1 Life is better with coffee.

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It’s my 28th birthday in a few weeks and it’s got me thinking about the last year. 27 is an important age, I knew it when I was younger and I sure as hell know it now. The year that makes or breaks you. I’ve cried a lot, laughed a lot, smashed a few more glasses but the lessons I’ve learned make me feel pretty damn grown up.
So- to the 27 lessons that have made me, thank you, for not breaking me.

#2 It all starts with being kind to yourself.

#3 If someone is meant to be in your life they’ll make the effort, they’ll show the fuck up.

#4 Don’t force situations or people, let things come and go as they please.

#5 Don’t chase anything that doesn’t speak to you.

#6 I am definitely allergic to cats.

#7 Don’t reconnect with toxic people in fear of being lonely, there’s nothing more beautiful than learning to be alone and fucking off the people who did wrong by you.

#8 Three words – Lush.Face.Mask.

#9 Be picky with who you invest your time with. Don’t waste money. Don’t waste makeup.

#10 Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

#11 Its okay to just be….

#12 Audio books are overrated.

#13 It’s hard to change yourself, it’s even harder to change someone else. The idea is – don’t waste your energy trying to change someone else. Focus on changing yourself or how you perceive other people. Or hey, maybe…don’t change a god damn thing.

#14 Trust yourself.

#15 What doesn’t kill you, will nourish you.

#16 Be honest with yourself.

#17 Give it three days…….

#18  ‘You won’t always be strong but you can always be brave’ – Beau Taplin.

#19 Never undervalue yourself.

#20 An ‘all nighter’ can ruin your week, lack of sleep destroys your soul.

#21 Spend time with people who are good for your mental health, if someone is draining you, take a step back.

#22 Focus on what you have, not on what’s missing – practice gratitude.

#23 Never underestimate the power of a good cry.

#24 Babies are cute, babies are also a lot of work.

#25 Don’t feel bad about breaking the rules.

#26 Bread, I can not quit bread.

#27 And last of all, feel a little bad for those who never go a little crazy.

I used to hate the idea of growing older and sometimes it still plays on my mind.
But if a struggle followed by a lesson comes every now and then, and helps me grow into the bad arse bitch I aspire to be, then bring on the ages.

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Ef. xx

Bench yourself for a bit

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An ex once said to me ‘you have no idea what it means to be in a relationship with anyone other than yourself’. So in other words I’m a selfish fuck.
Another dude I was dating, told me that I’m the most extreme woman he’s ever met, (and I refuse to take that as anything but a compliment).
But the selfish dig, cut me deep. It cut deep because truer words had never been spoken.

Their idea of a relationship was ‘making me work, so we can work to work it out’ like a Michael fucking Bublé song and my idea was…..different…..
‘You don’t agree with me? no worries – you’re about to clean up 13 plates I just smashed on the kitchen floor, have fun with that!’ 
Not so ‘Michael Bublé’ of me.

And sometimes I beat myself up a little, for not being in the dating game anymore. Another week, another month goes past and I’ve watched 7 different series on Netflix, 28 movies and read 6 books all the while my life partner is out there being a hoe. OR WORSE they are out there thinking they’re in love with someone else.
But the thing is – I had to take myself out. Mentally I’m not ready to join in on the ‘fun’ again. I’ve gone on a couple of dates here and there (fucking bore war), left dating sites active and my tinder app going but somethings just fucking off and its probably me.
3 years later and I’m still holding on to words said by my ex like they are paper clipped to my soul.

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I think I’m smart enough to know that I’m off at the moment and should take myself out of the game but some guys are idiots, some girls are idiots too. They’re dating around in hope they’ll find ‘the one’ and they have major baggage they’re lugging around.
In my expert opinion they should just bench themselves for a while, sort it out and make some fucking peace with it all.

Benching yourself: to take yourself out of the dating game for a period of time to focus on personal growth.

I mean the baggage I’m talking about is excessive though; You’ve got ex-wives you’re still living with because it’s cheaper than re-buying, you’ve got two baby mummas, three kids, recently divorced but your single now and ready.to.get.hitched. You’re like 39yrs old and heartbroken that she said no, you keep the engagement ring in a tiny box on your bedside table as a reminder of the love you had AND you 420 all day because you’re dealing with some intense energies from a past life. FUCK.

Dude, your mental health should be a priority.

Girls are no better, the attention to every detail of our baggage and heart ache is incredible – we literally use it as an excuse for being a hot mess. A cheating ex bf, a stoning piece of shit, a narcissistic fuck – you name him, we’ve been there.
It contributes to our pain, it makes us who we are and we lug it into our dating life, then into our relationships and then we blow up and smash all the wine glasses.
Fucking bench. We all need to be benching ourselves.

When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.

And I get it, some days I wake up wishing there was a match-making fairy god mother or whatever. When I’m in bed, period as fuck, I wish I had someone who would bring me an English breakfast on demand. I genuinely wish that the love of my life would come knocking on my door.
That happened to my Spray Tan Lady, she was telling me the story of how she met her husband.
He was her bin man and he would knock on her door each week to remind her to take the bins out so he could empty them with his truck. One week she heard him drive past and he hadn’t knocked on to remind her, so she ran outside chasing his truck down the street screaming, ‘STOPPP, YOU FORGOT MY BINS!!’
When he stopped, they both laughed and ended up exchanging numbers after a funny conversation. They’ve now been married 20 years and have 6 kids!!
I know deep down that she is the exception to the rule, but wouldn’t it be nice?

It’s scary to think that we need to be meeting a certain amount of people these days before we find the one and only. But given people are dating when they should be benching I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised that I’ve momentarily fallen in love a couple of times. Then BAM – they show their true colours and make me feel sick as fuck.

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It’s insane how personal growth can make you let go of the people you swore you couldn’t live without. It’s also insane how many people are willing to put themselves on hold for the sake of not being alone.

My babe G.S is back in the dating game now and from the side lines, she’s killing it. When I think about taking control of my life, I think taking control of the situations I’m in and where those situations will lead me. And she is taking control and being upfront from the get go, assertive as fuck.
So, if you are also taking control of your life and making good choices to get what you desire because you have a strong mind and know what’s good for you – then you should probably ignore my post about benching yourself.

But if you’re not like G.S, your minds ticking 100 miles an hour and your shitty choices are on overdrive. Bench yourself for a bit. You’ll realise a lot.

 

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Ef. xx

Its about connection

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I’ve embarked on a new journey type thing this year.
I was feeling a certain way when conversations were constantly revolving around engagements, financial planning, house renovations, pregnancies, adopting children, fostering puppies…
My BFF almost never replied to my texts anymore and she was always buying a new dress, for some wedding, for some annoying person we went to high school with and posting it on SM and urghh – massive eye roll.

I’m like literally on tinder giving it up to guys who ask me ‘do you like your pussy being licked’ after we plan our first meet up…for coffee.
And I’m lighting up whenever I’m a little stressed over my after-pay account, let alone buying a new dress for a wedding I never get invited to.
I’m living at home with my parents because my Dad is a damn good cook, and I’m still in debt by $5000 to some lame electricity company because my old house mates never kept up their end of the bargain. So I mean, that’s where I’m at.

And to be honest with you I’m just in a romantic rut, where the guys who I’m attracted to are texting me and I still don’t give a shit.

You see, when I hear that a friend is getting married I’m SO HAPPY FOR THEM…I really am. I’m filled with this overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement and faith in love and LOVE IS REAL, ‘Hallelujah! you’re getting married?? CONGRATULATIONS!!’.
But then it hits me……sweet Jesus, I am going to die alone.

‘It’s not about sex, it’s about connection’– my BFF has told me this SO MANY TIMES over the last 12 years of our friendship. It doesn’t surprise me that she is the one in a long term committed relationship and not self-advertising on a geo matching sex app.

When I think about what I desire, what I truly want for my future….it’s a little farm with a veggie patch, a bee hive and goats, children and a long haired hippy babe who serenades to me all day long. The type of person who will be at every one of their sons soccer games and never miss a piano recital. The type that reads a bed time story to the children every night, without fail.
Deep down I feel that’s what I deserve. A drama free, cruelty free, environmentally friendly, fuckinggg sexy life!
But I also feel it’s completely unobtainable in the hook up culture we live in today (the one I totally participate in, on a regular basis btw).

Someday I want to be so madly in love and attracted to my person and I don’t ever want that to fade. I don’t want to look at my partner in 30 years and not feel the same way I did at our engagement. That shit scares me to my core!
I don’t want to have 3 months here and 6 months there of dry patches in our marriage.
What is that? we didn’t have enough ‘sexual desire’ for each other in a whole 3 months. What they doing then? Wanking off in the green house?….

People talk about making love and I’m pretty sure I’ve made love once…maybe NEVER in my entire life.
I don’t even think I know what making love means but I know it’s not bad sex.
LOL, You know the type of sex where they roll over once they’re done and you’re having to finish yourself off? FUCK OFF that makes me so mad.
I just gave you the performance of my life, I was the fucking head angel, the blow job fairy. I let you fuck me reverse cowgirl and I’m sorry dude, I know I like to think I have thighs of steel, but I DON’T.
And sure- you’re getting a marvellous sight back there but I’m about to fake being really bad at this, so you end up bending me over and doing all the work.
THAT IS SHIT SEX!!

I’m 27, please treat me like I just spent $17 on an uber to get here and shaved from my eyebrows down, it’s called respect.

Then of course there’s the good sex, it makes us crazy.
Crazy fucking obsessed, the type that leaves us thinking we’re in love.
Cant stop talking about them, cant stop thinking about them, cant stop stalking their IG account, cant stop texting them.
Then they ruin like a month of our lives by not being the person we built them up to be. Good sex = Don’t be fooled.

But what even is making love?
I assume it’s what my BFF was talking about for all these years, connection.
Where your hearts become as one and you can feel each other and know each other’s thoughts like some sort of Magic, it’s spiritual and soulful.

Ok, so that’s a bit full on.

But it brings me back to my initial point of embarking on some journey – call it a revelation, an epiphany.
When I look back it makes me sad all the fucks I gave, all the giving it up for these jerkoffs and losers who had the best fucking nights sleep of their lives because of me and I had to find my own way home.

What a waste of time, what a waste of money and what a waste of MAKEUP.

I know that I’m in no state to find my true love. My long haired hippy, my goat lover, my muso, my ‘we’re doing it for the kids’ type person … but I think the wait might be worth it.

So to a journey of taking control of my life. Here’s to me, my vagina and my future
– God help us.

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Ef. xx