thoughts, blogging

Self care tips for the low times

Lately I’ve been feeling a little down, a little depressed and really not myself. It’s a feeling I’m used to and a feeling I’m sure, many can relate to.

Mental health is a number one priority to me and this last week of feeling low has got me thinking how glad I am that I have an action plan to put in place during these times.

Its taken me years to master the art of self care and sometimes when I’m feeling depressed, I forget that the only person who can make me feel better is actually me.

Here are my main 10 that keep me going

#1 I’m really into a good skin care routine, morning and night. Cleanser, toner, serum, moisturiser, eye cream- the whole works.

#2 When no one is home, I go to my Spotify app and basically play whatever the hell I want. I’m loving international music at the moment because it makes me feel like I’m anywhere but here.

#3 I delete the social media apps until I’m feeling better and read a good book. I recently read quite a few self help/ personal growth type books, which I’ll do a post on soon. To be honest, I feel like some of them repeat the same shit and the main take away is mindfulness. But it’s good to read a book that fuels your soul with positivity when you’re down.

#4 I do a full body moisturise session at night – I can’t recommend this enough. Going to bed and waking up with soft skin is the best feeling.

#5 I drink herbal tea before bed. It’s calming and detoxing.

#6 POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS. I’m not one to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I’m a goddess but journaling affirmations is a great time. It’s something that took me ages to get on board with because I found it kind of lame at first, but it feels so good to write positively about yourself. Especially when you’re feeling down and need a mind-shift asap.

#7 I take a long arse shower. I’m not really a bath person but if no one is home I’ll take the longest shower of the year. Someone told me recently that ‘lonely’ people shower longer because the hot water falling on their body makes them feel less alone…. I’ll have to agree with that. The hot water does me wonders.

#8 I stay hydrated – I drink a hell of a lot more water than usual.

#9 I eat something I love. I don’t binge eat but I forget about the calories, gluten and fat content for a night and eat something I really enjoy. I am loving strawberry sorbet at the moment and it’s my go to ‘sad food’.

#10 I text a friend. I never used to tell anyone when I was down but these days I do. I’ll send a friend a text or give a friend a phone call. Being that little bit more open with someone close about how I’m feeling, makes me feel better within minutes and makes me realise I’m not alone. It helps to connect when you’re feeling so disconnected- with someone who loves you for you. There’s no shame in feeling down. Life gets tough and friends should be there for each other.

Going through depressive episodes is hard. I know some get it worse than me and I can’t even imagine how shit that is. Some may eye roll at my self care tips but these things have really helped me push through on a bad day. It’s the little things we do for ourselves that make a big difference.

All I can say is things get better. Maybe things get hard again, but then they get better again.

Hang in there, listen to some cool music, wash your face and eat some strawberry sorbet.

Ef. xx

thoughts, blogging

#Twentyseven lessons

#1 Life is better with coffee.

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It’s my 28th birthday in a few weeks and it’s got me thinking about the last year. 27 is an important age, I knew it when I was younger and I sure as hell know it now. The year that makes or breaks you. I’ve cried a lot, laughed a lot, smashed a few more glasses but the lessons I’ve learned make me feel pretty damn grown up.
So- to the 27 lessons that have made me, thank you, for not breaking me.

#2 It all starts with being kind to yourself.

#3 If someone is meant to be in your life they’ll make the effort, they’ll show the fuck up.

#4 Don’t force situations or people, let things come and go as they please.

#5 Don’t chase anything that doesn’t speak to you.

#6 I am definitely allergic to cats.

#7 Don’t reconnect with toxic people in fear of being lonely, there’s nothing more beautiful than learning to be alone and fucking off the people who did wrong by you.

#8 Three words – Lush.Face.Mask.

#9 Be picky with who you invest your time with. Don’t waste money. Don’t waste makeup.

#10 Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

#11 Its okay to just be….

#12 Audio books are overrated.

#13 It’s hard to change yourself, it’s even harder to change someone else. The idea is – don’t waste your energy trying to change someone else. Focus on changing yourself or how you perceive other people. Or hey, maybe…don’t change a god damn thing.

#14 Trust yourself.

#15 What doesn’t kill you, will nourish you.

#16 Be honest with yourself.

#17 Give it three days…….

#18  ‘You won’t always be strong but you can always be brave’ – Beau Taplin.

#19 Never undervalue yourself.

#20 An ‘all nighter’ can ruin your week, lack of sleep destroys your soul.

#21 Spend time with people who are good for your mental health, if someone is draining you, take a step back.

#22 Focus on what you have, not on what’s missing – practice gratitude.

#23 Never underestimate the power of a good cry.

#24 Babies are cute, babies are also a lot of work.

#25 Don’t feel bad about breaking the rules.

#26 Bread, I can not quit bread.

#27 And last of all, feel a little bad for those who never go a little crazy.

I used to hate the idea of growing older and sometimes it still plays on my mind.
But if a struggle followed by a lesson comes every now and then, and helps me grow into the bad arse bitch I aspire to be, then bring on the ages.

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Ef. xx

thoughts, blogging

Bench yourself for a bit

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An ex once said to me ‘you have no idea what it means to be in a relationship with anyone other than yourself’. So in other words I’m a selfish fuck.
Another dude I was dating, told me that I’m the most extreme woman he’s ever met, (and I refuse to take that as anything but a compliment).
But the selfish dig, cut me deep. It cut deep because truer words had never been spoken.

Their idea of a relationship was ‘making me work, so we can work to work it out’ like a Michael fucking Bublé song and my idea was…..different…..
‘You don’t agree with me? no worries – you’re about to clean up 13 plates I just smashed on the kitchen floor, have fun with that!’ 
Not so ‘Michael Bublé’ of me.

And sometimes I beat myself up a little, for not being in the dating game anymore. Another week, another month goes past and I’ve watched 7 different series on Netflix, 28 movies and read 6 books all the while my life partner is out there being a hoe. OR WORSE they are out there thinking they’re in love with someone else.
But the thing is – I had to take myself out. Mentally I’m not ready to join in on the ‘fun’ again. I’ve gone on a couple of dates here and there (fucking bore war), left dating sites active and my tinder app going but somethings just fucking off and its probably me.
3 years later and I’m still holding on to words said by my ex like they are paper clipped to my soul.

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I think I’m smart enough to know that I’m off at the moment and should take myself out of the game but some guys are idiots, some girls are idiots too. They’re dating around in hope they’ll find ‘the one’ and they have major baggage they’re lugging around.
In my expert opinion they should just bench themselves for a while, sort it out and make some fucking peace with it all.

Benching yourself: to take yourself out of the dating game for a period of time to focus on personal growth.

I mean the baggage I’m talking about is excessive though; You’ve got ex-wives you’re still living with because it’s cheaper than re-buying, you’ve got two baby mummas, three kids, recently divorced but your single now and ready.to.get.hitched. You’re like 39yrs old and heartbroken that she said no, you keep the engagement ring in a tiny box on your bedside table as a reminder of the love you had AND you 420 all day because you’re dealing with some intense energies from a past life. FUCK.

Dude, your mental health should be a priority.

Girls are no better, the attention to every detail of our baggage and heart ache is incredible – we literally use it as an excuse for being a hot mess. A cheating ex bf, a stoning piece of shit, a narcissistic fuck – you name him, we’ve been there.
It contributes to our pain, it makes us who we are and we lug it into our dating life, then into our relationships and then we blow up and smash all the wine glasses.
Fucking bench. We all need to be benching ourselves.

When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.

And I get it, some days I wake up wishing there was a match-making fairy god mother or whatever. When I’m in bed, period as fuck, I wish I had someone who would bring me an English breakfast on demand. I genuinely wish that the love of my life would come knocking on my door.
That happened to my Spray Tan Lady, she was telling me the story of how she met her husband.
He was her bin man and he would knock on her door each week to remind her to take the bins out so he could empty them with his truck. One week she heard him drive past and he hadn’t knocked on to remind her, so she ran outside chasing his truck down the street screaming, ‘STOPPP, YOU FORGOT MY BINS!!’
When he stopped, they both laughed and ended up exchanging numbers after a funny conversation. They’ve now been married 20 years and have 6 kids!!
I know deep down that she is the exception to the rule, but wouldn’t it be nice?

It’s scary to think that we need to be meeting a certain amount of people these days before we find the one and only. But given people are dating when they should be benching I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised that I’ve momentarily fallen in love a couple of times. Then BAM – they show their true colours and make me feel sick as fuck.

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It’s insane how personal growth can make you let go of the people you swore you couldn’t live without. It’s also insane how many people are willing to put themselves on hold for the sake of not being alone.

My babe G.S is back in the dating game now and from the side lines, she’s killing it. When I think about taking control of my life, I think taking control of the situations I’m in and where those situations will lead me. And she is taking control and being upfront from the get go, assertive as fuck.
So, if you are also taking control of your life and making good choices to get what you desire because you have a strong mind and know what’s good for you – then you should probably ignore my post about benching yourself.

But if you’re not like G.S, your minds ticking 100 miles an hour and your shitty choices are on overdrive. Bench yourself for a bit. You’ll realise a lot.

 

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Ef. xx

thoughts, blogging

How much do you love yourself?

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How much do you love yourself?
If you really think about it, how kind are you to you?

When we think about ourselves the first things we point out are our flaws, it’s become natural to do so, we all do it.
But sometimes we can go too far with the negative self-talk and before we know it…we’re caught up in something more harmful.
As women we all feel pressure to look a certain way but remain modest about ourselves because we don’t want to be seen as a ‘bitch’ or ‘up ourselves’.
I want to share my personal story of body image in hope that it might just make someone in a similar situation think twice.

I suppose I am tall, I stand at 172cm and I weigh what’s deemed a healthy BMI.
I have always eaten super healthy and taken care of my body. As kids my parents didn’t shower us with sugary foods or take- away very often. I have fond memories of my mum picking me and my siblings up from school, we would come home to a platter of broccoli and carrot with hummus. As a treat on a rainy day it was 2-minute noodles and a warm Milo (which I still crave now whenever it rains).
But as I got older, (for me this happened post High School which I am told is rarer) I developed an eating disorder, Anorexia.
You see, I left school and I realised the world of being a young female was pretty damn scary in a way. To be thin was and still is deemed desirable and when I was in school social media wasn’t as huge as it is now, the Kardashians weren’t a thing. Big booties and lip fillers weren’t the latest craze.

Initially, my reasons were to be as healthy as I possibly could be and let me tell you that slope gets really slippery really quick.

I was in my first year of University, I was studying a Bachelor of Science majoring in Nutritional Medicine. I had this idea in my head of how a Nutritionist was meant to look
and boy did I cling to that image like my nephew grabbing my hair, tight really tight.
I want to say I was 23 but my short-term memory is poor now. I was living out of home, I had a very sick brother and I was stressed – I was beyond stressed. And the way I deal with stress is gym (normally that’s fine) but the amount of time I was spending at the gym became scary. I wasn’t eating anything to fuel my body and for a while you think you can handle it all, that you’ve got it under control….. well little secret, it’s a fucking bitch of a disease. It grips you so tight that you aren’t you anymore, you become this version of you who is angry and scared and lashes out at the people you love.

I spent a lot of time in and out of doctors rooms, attached to various monitors that checked for everything, all in the hope that I could be freed from this horrible grip it had me under. But its grip is so strong, it’s terrifying. Over the next 18 months it had me prisoner, I couldn’t go to see friends, Uni became awfully hard, to even think just hurt my brain and I couldn’t walk very far away from my mum because I was afraid I’d faint.
My poor family had to watch me go through this, all the while my brother was so ill he was in hospital for months.

Anorexia isolates you.
In the beginning it seems like your friend, ‘you can do another 30 minutes of exercise easy!’ or ‘don’t eat that, girl think of how much time it takes to work off’.
It takes over your body and uses you as a vessel and in order for it to get stronger it sucks its energy from you.
It took two years from my life and left me with health issues as a souvenir.
I didn’t have a life for that entire time, people looked at me with pity and judgement in their eyes. I barely slept and if I did sleep, it was only a few hours here and there and I needed my mum next to me. I was lucky that she was there to hold my hand through the entire thing and to this day when I bring up that period in time I can see the sad look on her face and it kills me inside.

I have recovered now, I wouldn’t say 100% more like 90%. I still have thoughts that I have to deal with every day. I still see a psychologist to help me even years later to rid my mental health of that obnoxious weed.
But I can say with 100% certainty I love who I am, I love my body that kept me alive for those two years when I treated it so horribly.
I love me and I am more than just a size on a tag or a pimple that pops up at the most annoying of times. I treat my body like the temple it is, I feed myself food that will nourish me and I practice mindfulness….
Why? because I am human and while I am in this suit for hire I am going to treat myself with the upmost love and respect I deserve.
So why not start loving yourself a little more.
There is never a thing as too much love. I wish that self love was the norm.
Start simple, when you wake up each day and look in the mirror, tell yourself you are a boss bitch and you’ve got this!
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G.S xx