Navigating texting styles

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So, I have started seeing a guy, we aren’t exclusive or at least we haven’t had ‘the talk’ yet. It occurred to me recently, after spending a lovely weekend with him and those lustful feelings were in overdrive, that I wanted to be exclusive with him.
I wanted to have that conversation with him as soon as possible. So naturally I turned to my bestie and bombarded her with the feelings I had about him and she agreed that maybe, that talk needed to happen – but advised me to leave it for the next date.
Face to face is much better for these sorts of conversations. A few days had passed after our lovely weekend together and I was feeling a little left out in the cold.
You see, this guy that I am seeing is not the type of guy that I have dated in the past. He isn’t big on texting and that drives me into a crazy thought process. I start thinking, maybe he isn’t as into me as what I think? Maybe this is all in my head?
In person he is wonderful and we get along great, we really seem to click and I am really enjoying his company.
This little ‘texting issue’ started to affect my mood and started to change the way I felt about him but then I see him again and we are all good. So I know then that its just my mind not playing on my team.

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When you date someone or start seeing a new person, you really have to get to know their style of things, one of those things includes their texting style. I am a big fan of texting. I am that friend that sends random texts that leave you thinking wtf is she on? And I will blow up my friends phones (selected friends), because I know that I can and it’s not weird to me.
But we all have that one friend that wont reply to us for days on end and it can really leave you thinking, ‘am I the only one putting in the effort here?’ or ‘am I being annoying?’
Just like tying our shoe laces we all have a texting style.
Some people just aren’t on their phones very much, and some people actually prefer face to face talk and I love those people. But would it kill them to reply back within at least a 48 hour time-frame?
I mean come on people, you are driving my Virgo mind insane, I am all about efficiency.

Being the boss bitch I am, whilst on my most recent date with this boy, I decided to suss out what was up with his texting.  I asked him, ‘Dude, what’s with the texting or lack of it?’ And he was surprised…. he had no idea that it was an issue for me.
I told him, when I don’t hear from him that much during the week, even a simple text like, ‘How was your day?’ still makes me feel like hes not that into me.
I mean, I am not asking for much, I am a low fuss kind of girl. But a little conversation that I don’t have to initiate would be amazing!!
I was feeling like I was being that annoying girl messaging him, and he wouldn’t reply straight away even though he saw my messages……the fool has his read receipts on! Big mistake……….HUGE.

IMG_9485 - CopyI guess where I am going with this, is that if you have a relationship/friendship or are dating someone and you aren’t the same texting style and have been feeling in a similar way to me then you need to speak up.
It may be that the person isn’t into you and you are wasting your time texting them and
getting nothing or very little back. We don’t want to be wasting time on people who
don’t see how amazing we are because there are plenty of people out there who do!
Or it could be that you are dealing with a non-texter but your chemistry is great in person – and those people are truly an untapped market.
Communication is key and talking about these issues is crucial, even if it is as simple as asking, ‘Whats with your texting style?’ because you can save yourself a lot of crazy thought process time, if you just balls up and say, ‘What’s the go?’

Had I just gone, ‘this guy isn’t texting me like I want, I’m going to cut him out of my life…’ then I would be missing out on spending time with this beautiful onion who reveals a different layer every time I see him.

Did I have the exclusive conversation with him? I know you are all wondering…
I decided to see how the next few weeks go, because I am in no rush and I want to make sure that I am truly happy with what I am seeing and the actions that he is displaying before I commit to being exclusive. In the mean time I am happy just talking to him and seeing only him……but I am keeping that between you and I ……because I am a mystery girl after all.

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G.S xx

Red Flags

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So, I met this guy recently and for a moment I thought things could be turning around for me. We enjoyed a week of back and forth messaging and he seemed super keen, so naturally we got off tinder and exchanged numbers. I’ll admit he was lovely, super sweet, a little shy and most importantly he had a beard – I love a man with a beard.
We went on our first date and it was great, a coffee date turned into dinner date and I was left feeling really positive. Finally a date with someone who I was attracted to, someone I could laugh with and someone who didn’t come on too strong.

Cut to a week later and my overthinking Virgo brain went into overdrive big time. Our texting started to dwindle a little bit and I could see something was up. So being the stubborn girl I am I thought ‘no way am I chasing you buddy!’ and I spent an entire week thinking this guy wasn’t into me and it all just seemed a little off. My poor bestie had to listen to countless hours of me making up scenarios or possible what ifs and all in all it was a mental head fuck and I was left thinking, is this even worth my time when it’s so early on?…….

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Which brings me to the point of red flags.
A red flag is something that doesn’t feel right to you. It can be something they’ve said or their behaviour. When you start seeing someone you have those beautiful love goggles on and you think ‘this person is amazing, they are so perfect for me’. But in reality, you could be ignoring some major red flags and there’s nothing like hindsight to make you see them. It’s really important to understand who you are and what you are looking for in a person you want date.
If you are anything like me who loves to work out, eat healthy, be in bed by 9pm, get up early on the weekend and hit up a café for breakfast followed by a trip to the farmers market……. then someone who drinks and parties non-stop may not be for you (bearing in mind being a drunk persons chaperone every weekend is just as tiring as being on a bender).  So maybe that’s a flag you would need to analyse.

Or the guy that makes you feel like you are 100% in a relationship but is still hitting up Tinder or Bumble and texting his side chick, again maybe that’s a flag.. No one wants to be any bodies fool. Or maybe that person that’s clinging on to something that really isn’t worth their time or energy.

Dating is about taking time, time to get to know each other.

There is no need to rush and there seems to be a lot of rushing, a lot of people that are really pushing to lock you down, like we are on some sort of time frame.

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I know I am a catch. I will give them that. But after one date…. talking to me about moving to another state with them for work isn’t going to work for me. Constantly discussing their bitter break up but insisting they are truly over it or even the person that that sends you borderline abusive texts all because you needed to reschedule a date. These are all red flags!
They are easy to see early on if you understand what it is you are looking for in someone you want to date. And look, there is nothing wrong with being head over heels for someone, its lovely ….. I am all for love!

But if you are dating someone or even just hooking up and that person is displaying or saying some things that make you feel unworthy, confused, mentally drained or like they are playing games my advice is to give it three days. Take some time out and think ‘is this person enriching my life or draining me?’ I recently took a step back and thought, if this person wants me in their life then they will show me.
Sometimes they show you by not ever texting you again or they think, ‘hmmm I haven’t heard from blah blah for a while, I will send her a text’.
People will always show you their red flags, you just have to really look at how they treat you, speak to you and make you feel.

Always trust your gut.

Ps. enjoy these screen shots from an ex red flag.

 

Happy dating !!

G.S xx

The Dating Game

Dating. It’s a word we all know and use, but do we really know what it means?
I’m a single 27-year-old and by now, I’ve seen some things.
Hell, I saw some things years ago, when I was much younger. I admit that some of those things were red flags, which I blindly ignored, probably because I didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ or appear to be a ‘psycho’.
Psycho – you know that word men love to throw at you, when you make a simple request like, ‘maybe clean the toilet before I come over later?’ –
I’m sorry, but guys come on, some clean sheets and a quick tidy will impress a woman more than having to sleep on a dog hair ridden bed.

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I recently ended a relationship with a guy who I loved and foolishly saw a future with.
It just so happened that he was moving to Canada for a year which was actually a compromise because he had originally wanted to go for two years. We had been dating for six months before he left to go, and for that six months it was like a grey angry cloud that loomed over our relationship.
I will admit that I never discouraged him from going because I was of the belief that he will miss me SO much, that he’ll come back to me and we will be happier than ever. What’s the saying? ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’?
To cut a long story short I waited faithfully for six months to see him, travel to him and have a beautiful holiday with him, only for us to break up in the middle of a street somewhere in Vancouver after he admitted to cheating on me.

So…. like any boss bitch would do, I grieved for that relationship and then moved on with my life.
Because let’s face it, why cry over a man that it doesn’t work out with?
If it was never going to work, he took the trash out for me- so thanks sweetie…

Much like every other millennial – I got back out there, and when I say ‘out there’ I mean Tinder.
You know that wonderful geo matching app that makes you feel like a piece of meat and for some reason guys just want to send you pictures of their junk at 3:40 in the afternoon?
Like, OK buddy – not all of us want to see that.
My friend, who is now engaged to a lovely guy, has been advising me, ‘G- please change your profile to read that you are looking for a relationship, It’ll help weed out the ones that are just after a hook-up’.
Well, you would think so hey?…… NO! It doesn’t.

So being the ball buster I am, I stepped up my dating game.
I match with them, we chat for 2.5 seconds and I be upfront.
I say, ‘I am not into the hook-up thing because I am worth more than that’- And trust me, if they don’t like that, they un-match you very fast.

Anyway, recently I have become a little smarter about my dating life, sure…
But I ask, when did it become ‘slutty’ to date more than one man at a time?
I am not talking ‘super fun sexy’ time either. I mean going for dinners, drinks, hanging out on the grass looking at the clouds (did that recently on a date, really sweet).
I want to be wooed and have a man think im not always there waiting by my phone for when they text or call and I want them to think I have a life.
Little hint, they love when you have your own stuff going on, a busy woman is attractive.

And also, why are we putting all our eggs into the one basket? Because I know for fact they aren’t just chatting to the one girl.
But yet as women we seem to meet a guy and then that’s it!! We invest all of our energy into him, we rehearse our wedding vowels (to ourselves) in the mirror,  until he ruins it by giving us major red flags.

So currently, I am chatting to a few guys, arranging ‘non sexual’ dates and keeping my ‘texting language’ very neutral and non-committal. So far it seems to be working.
Yes, my social calendar is busy trying to arrange dates.
Yes, it’s a little overwhelming –  but so what?

I cap my dates to a maximum of four hours because I have a life, but more importantly, I want them to know that I am not just going to be there all time.

And yes, I am doing this all with what feels like NCIS precision.

But I am playing a smarter game. Because it is a game and that’s not a bad thing.
It’s a fun game where the end prize is love and we all want to be loved.
Dating is fun, and it should be.
I like to go for drinks and get to know a man, treat it like you are interviewing that person for the role of potential partner, (they are doing that same thing to us).
And we all know that you don’t just hire any idiot that walks in off the street.

So ladies, I encourage you to get out there and stand up for yourselves.
Know that you are beautiful and you should be treated like the queens you are.
And stop settling for mediocre dates, guys not texting you back, and Tinder dick pics.

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G.S xx

Bench yourself for a bit

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An ex once said to me ‘you have no idea what it means to be in a relationship with anyone other than yourself’. So in other words I’m a selfish fuck.
Another dude I was dating, told me that I’m the most extreme woman he’s ever met, (and I refuse to take that as anything but a compliment).
But the selfish dig, cut me deep. It cut deep because truer words had never been spoken.

Their idea of a relationship was ‘making me work, so we can work to work it out’ like a Michael fucking Bublé song and my idea was…..different…..
‘You don’t agree with me? no worries – you’re about to clean up 13 plates I just smashed on the kitchen floor, have fun with that!’ 
Not so ‘Michael Bublé’ of me.

And sometimes I beat myself up a little, for not being in the dating game anymore. Another week, another month goes past and I’ve watched 7 different series on Netflix, 28 movies and read 6 books all the while my life partner is out there being a hoe. OR WORSE they are out there thinking they’re in love with someone else.
But the thing is – I had to take myself out. Mentally I’m not ready to join in on the ‘fun’ again. I’ve gone on a couple of dates here and there (fucking bore war), left dating sites active and my tinder app going but somethings just fucking off and its probably me.
3 years later and I’m still holding on to words said by my ex like they are paper clipped to my soul.

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I think I’m smart enough to know that I’m off at the moment and should take myself out of the game but some guys are idiots, some girls are idiots too. They’re dating around in hope they’ll find ‘the one’ and they have major baggage they’re lugging around.
In my expert opinion they should just bench themselves for a while, sort it out and make some fucking peace with it all.

Benching yourself: to take yourself out of the dating game for a period of time to focus on personal growth.

I mean the baggage I’m talking about is excessive though; You’ve got ex-wives you’re still living with because it’s cheaper than re-buying, you’ve got two baby mummas, three kids, recently divorced but your single now and ready.to.get.hitched. You’re like 39yrs old and heartbroken that she said no, you keep the engagement ring in a tiny box on your bedside table as a reminder of the love you had AND you 420 all day because you’re dealing with some intense energies from a past life. FUCK.

Dude, your mental health should be a priority.

Girls are no better, the attention to every detail of our baggage and heart ache is incredible – we literally use it as an excuse for being a hot mess. A cheating ex bf, a stoning piece of shit, a narcissistic fuck – you name him, we’ve been there.
It contributes to our pain, it makes us who we are and we lug it into our dating life, then into our relationships and then we blow up and smash all the wine glasses.
Fucking bench. We all need to be benching ourselves.

When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.

And I get it, some days I wake up wishing there was a match-making fairy god mother or whatever. When I’m in bed, period as fuck, I wish I had someone who would bring me an English breakfast on demand. I genuinely wish that the love of my life would come knocking on my door.
That happened to my Spray Tan Lady, she was telling me the story of how she met her husband.
He was her bin man and he would knock on her door each week to remind her to take the bins out so he could empty them with his truck. One week she heard him drive past and he hadn’t knocked on to remind her, so she ran outside chasing his truck down the street screaming, ‘STOPPP, YOU FORGOT MY BINS!!’
When he stopped, they both laughed and ended up exchanging numbers after a funny conversation. They’ve now been married 20 years and have 6 kids!!
I know deep down that she is the exception to the rule, but wouldn’t it be nice?

It’s scary to think that we need to be meeting a certain amount of people these days before we find the one and only. But given people are dating when they should be benching I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised that I’ve momentarily fallen in love a couple of times. Then BAM – they show their true colours and make me feel sick as fuck.

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It’s insane how personal growth can make you let go of the people you swore you couldn’t live without. It’s also insane how many people are willing to put themselves on hold for the sake of not being alone.

My babe G.S is back in the dating game now and from the side lines, she’s killing it. When I think about taking control of my life, I think taking control of the situations I’m in and where those situations will lead me. And she is taking control and being upfront from the get go, assertive as fuck.
So, if you are also taking control of your life and making good choices to get what you desire because you have a strong mind and know what’s good for you – then you should probably ignore my post about benching yourself.

But if you’re not like G.S, your minds ticking 100 miles an hour and your shitty choices are on overdrive. Bench yourself for a bit. You’ll realise a lot.

 

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Ef. xx