Ray of sunshine #motivation

I can really feel the energy of the Virgo new moon starting to take effect. My life actually seems to look a little brighter than usual. Weird, but true.

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Do you ever wonder how some people are positive, colourful, little rays of sunshine, candy floss 99% of the time? The ones that turn any negative situation into a rainbow. Those who take on a mighty challenge and look at it as personal development. The ones who clog up your news feed with smiling selfies and theGoodQuote.

If not, you’re probably one of them. and don’t get me wrong, you don’t annoy me, I admire you. But how are you positive and full of energy for life 99% of the time?

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To master life is to transform the energy we feel at any moment into cheerful engagement and deep appreciation.’

Lately I’ve been focusing on self awareness, practising mindfulness and reminding myself that happiness is a result of thought.
I mentioned briefly in my previous post that I’ve read quite a few self help books recently.
I’ve noticed that one of the things these books have in common is reinforcing the fact that happiness is a result of how we think.

It’s hard to absorb that and apply it to your life when its basically saying, ‘You’re responsible for your own happiness’, especially when you genuinely feel so ‘up and down’ and out of control, so much of the time.

So, I’ve been reading The Motivation Manifesto by Brendan Burchard : 9 declarations to claim your personal power.
Declaration #1 We shall meet life with full presence and power.

Living in the present, for an overthinking Virgo, is hard af.
It’s natural for me to check out of the present moment and think about tomorrow or next week, next month, even 5 years time.
I have this fear that tomorrow wont go according to plan or next week will be worse than the last. I zone out thinking about where I’ll be in 5 years, hoping that I’d have met my goals and succeeded in one way or another.
These worries take me away from enjoying the present moment, enjoying my life, there’s no flow. I have no god damn flow.

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‘If we are not vigilant, being around constant worry can quickly limit who we are and what we might be capable of.’

Apparently it’s pretty normal though and without talking about anxiety, I know I’m not alone. Practising self awareness has really helped me to connect with myself.
Without detaching from myself, I’m recognising how I am acting and reacting in the moment. Making choices to change my reality and thinking differently to feel differently.
Im noticing when I’m making poor choices, thinking negatively of myself or others around me.
Connecting with myself and my life is helping me sense a conflict straight up, it’s helping me to recognise that I’m about to go from 0-100 real quick and assess what the appropriate action to take is.
I’ve been making an effort to think before I speak, before I act and before I react.
And I’ve been asking myself the necessary questions to work out the results I want to see in my life.

img_9268‘Awareness + Discipline = Freedom’

I highly recommend reading The Motivation Manifesto. I know it’s been a popular read over the last year and I can see why. It’s written in such a way that his words play on your mind throughout the day. THEY NEVER LEAVE YOU.

My god, it’s all a big journey. But I think it’s a journey worth taking.
I’ve never wanted to be a lollipops and rainbows sort of a person, as principle. But there needs to be a balance. There needs to be a happy life behind the screens we all play on everyday. I don’t believe that you wake up one day and suddenly, your life is magic. I believe it takes a lot of grafting and mind-shifting to become the person you want to be.

So to the positive rays of sunshine bubble tea, that blow up my feed every morning – good on you… it’s not an easy feat.

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Ef. xx

Self care tips for the low times

Lately I’ve been feeling a little down, a little depressed and really not myself. It’s a feeling I’m used to and a feeling I’m sure, many can relate to.

Mental health is a number one priority to me and this last week of feeling low has got me thinking how glad I am that I have an action plan to put in place during these times.

Its taken me years to master the art of self care and sometimes when I’m feeling depressed, I forget that the only person who can make me feel better is actually me.

Here are my main 10 that keep me going

#1 I’m really into a good skin care routine, morning and night. Cleanser, toner, serum, moisturiser, eye cream- the whole works.

#2 When no one is home, I go to my Spotify app and basically play whatever the hell I want. I’m loving international music at the moment because it makes me feel like I’m anywhere but here.

#3 I delete the social media apps until I’m feeling better and read a good book. I recently read quite a few self help/ personal growth type books, which I’ll do a post on soon. To be honest, I feel like some of them repeat the same shit and the main take away is mindfulness. But it’s good to read a book that fuels your soul with positivity when you’re down.

#4 I do a full body moisturise session at night – I can’t recommend this enough. Going to bed and waking up with soft skin is the best feeling.

#5 I drink herbal tea before bed. It’s calming and detoxing.

#6 POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS. I’m not one to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I’m a goddess but journaling affirmations is a great time. It’s something that took me ages to get on board with because I found it kind of lame at first, but it feels so good to write positively about yourself. Especially when you’re feeling down and need a mind-shift asap.

#7 I take a long arse shower. I’m not really a bath person but if no one is home I’ll take the longest shower of the year. Someone told me recently that ‘lonely’ people shower longer because the hot water falling on their body makes them feel less alone…. I’ll have to agree with that. The hot water does me wonders.

#8 I stay hydrated – I drink a hell of a lot more water than usual.

#9 I eat something I love. I don’t binge eat but I forget about the calories, gluten and fat content for a night and eat something I really enjoy. I am loving strawberry sorbet at the moment and it’s my go to ‘sad food’.

#10 I text a friend. I never used to tell anyone when I was down but these days I do. I’ll send a friend a text or give a friend a phone call. Being that little bit more open with someone close about how I’m feeling, makes me feel better within minutes and makes me realise I’m not alone. It helps to connect when you’re feeling so disconnected- with someone who loves you for you. There’s no shame in feeling down. Life gets tough and friends should be there for each other.

Going through depressive episodes is hard. I know some get it worse than me and I can’t even imagine how shit that is. Some may eye roll at my self care tips but these things have really helped me push through on a bad day. It’s the little things we do for ourselves that make a big difference.

All I can say is things get better. Maybe things get hard again, but then they get better again.

Hang in there, listen to some cool music, wash your face and eat some strawberry sorbet.

Ef. xx

HIGH MAINTENANCE

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Last week I went interstate for some birthday celebrations. It was my 28th and I didn’t want to make a big deal about making a big deal about it, but it was a big deal…..
I was saying RIP to the 27 club and embracing my new look pushing 30. My friends are either that little bit older than me or that little bit behind me and I really felt like I was paving the way turning 28. This was a big deal.

If you haven’t realised by now, I’m all for learning and the one thing I learnt last week is how HIGH MAINTENANCE I AM.
My close friends know it and never fail to remind me, but it honestly didn’t register to me until I fell sick with the dreaded flu on my trip.

Now, I’m all for being independent. Despite living at home with my parents and having most of my dinners cooked for me, I’d say I’m an independent woman. I have a strong mind. I do me… most of the time.
I pay my own bills, buy my own shit, get myself from A to B. I do my own washing, I’m not one to leave the dishes or my personal space in a mess …
So I’m Independent? …. right?

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Anyway, I’m on one of my flights, (window seat) and I start FREAKING out. If you’ve ever flown with the flu before, you’ll know it’s really uncomfortable to say the least. My eardrums felt like they were about to rupture, my brain was going to explode, and I literally could not breathe from my nose and every two minutes I was coughing up a dry lung. Awful! I was ringing the bell for a flight attendant constantly. I needed a blanket, I needed ear plugs, paracetamol, 4 bottles of water, a black tea no sugar, I needed a hot wet towel to dampen my face, (I mean honestly).
I look back now and wonder who the hell I think I am. But at the time my maintenance level was at an all-time high.

To top it off, when I ordered my Uber from the airport, my driver didn’t clock that I had a 23kg suitcase plus extra luggage and stayed seated in his driver’s seat – smfh. I could have cried. He popped the boot and I felt like rating him then and there and telling him to fuck off. But I didn’t, I threw the luggage into the boot and hopped in the back seat. I felt so hard done by, I didn’t say a word the entire trip and tried super hard not to sneeze.

It got me thinking though, is this why I’m still single? Because I’m a demanding little shit? Like, is the Uber driver meant to get out of the car and assist me with my bags? Or is that just something I expect? Is this how I’ve treated those I’ve dated and why they think I’m a selfish twit?
LOL whoops.

IMG_9046Skip through to my last day before flying home. I was staying with one of my besties and my bad mood was at its peak. I had lost so much sleep throughout the week and I just wanted to have some damn fun! I was ready to spend hundreds on an emergency flight just to get back to my own bed a day earlier #dramatic. I sat in her bed miserable, crying, feeling sorry for myself and complaining about my nails and my red Rudolph nose. I watched as she got out the essential oils and turned on the diffuser, warmed me up a heat pack, handed me a herbal tea and an assortment of drugs, closed the blinds and booked me a manicure appointment!!!!!
Uhmm who needs a partner when you have a bestie who treats you like a princess?

In light of what a damn good friend I have, I decided to really suck it up and go out for the last night of my trip. The last week of travels had been so tiring I can’t even bring myself to write about it but I thought, ‘tonight I’ll go out with my flu, hand in hand’.
I must say, I’m thankful for my Fenty beauty cause’ it’s the only reason my makeup stayed on through 79 sessions of me sneezing and blowing my nose in-between dances.
I was an entitled little brat all night. I made the bar tender make me a cocktail he had never heard of and didn’t serve at the club. I held up the girl’s bathroom line like I was Beyoncé, and I asked the DJ to play me a birthday song on a ‘no requests no regrets’ night. I gave no fucks. I told management they need to get with the times and ditch the plastic straws and I asked for the outside heaters on deck to be moved to the corner I was sitting in because – ‘flu season’.

IMG_9047All in all it was a great night, but I suffered for it the next day on my flight home. Thank fuck I was flying with Qantas on my way home because their service was on point. I was handed a packet of tissues and 3 little bottles of water, (I didn’t even need to ring the bell.) #economybitches

So maybe I’m not so ‘independent’, I came home to a warm arse bed and my Dads home cooked soup. My vaporiser was already steaming, and I could feel that my sheets had been freshly washed.
I know now that when I’m not feeling good, I basically expect everyone to fall at my knees and give in to my demands, including the bar tender and club management on a night out. But is that so bad?

Here’s a quote from Rachel Hollis that I probably should have read before my birthday trip.
“The difficult seasons we walk through are how we learn to build up strength to manage any situation”

There’s nothing like realising that what everyone’s always told you about yourself is true. I know I’m demanding, I know I’m high maintenance and possibly not as independent as id like to be. I like to have things done my way and when things start to go wrong I.flip.the.fuck.out.
I guess the hard shit we go through, whether it be *really hard* or falling sick with the flu on holiday, sets us up for growth. We get through it, we grow stronger and we are better equipped for the next thing life throws at us.
IMG_9050PS. Thanks to my babe for putting up with my shit. God bless you.

Ef. xx

Red Flags

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So, I met this guy recently and for a moment I thought things could be turning around for me. We enjoyed a week of back and forth messaging and he seemed super keen, so naturally we got off tinder and exchanged numbers. I’ll admit he was lovely, super sweet, a little shy and most importantly he had a beard – I love a man with a beard.
We went on our first date and it was great, a coffee date turned into dinner date and I was left feeling really positive. Finally a date with someone who I was attracted to, someone I could laugh with and someone who didn’t come on too strong.

Cut to a week later and my overthinking Virgo brain went into overdrive big time. Our texting started to dwindle a little bit and I could see something was up. So being the stubborn girl I am I thought ‘no way am I chasing you buddy!’ and I spent an entire week thinking this guy wasn’t into me and it all just seemed a little off. My poor bestie had to listen to countless hours of me making up scenarios or possible what ifs and all in all it was a mental head fuck and I was left thinking, is this even worth my time when it’s so early on?…….

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Which brings me to the point of red flags.
A red flag is something that doesn’t feel right to you. It can be something they’ve said or their behaviour. When you start seeing someone you have those beautiful love goggles on and you think ‘this person is amazing, they are so perfect for me’. But in reality, you could be ignoring some major red flags and there’s nothing like hindsight to make you see them. It’s really important to understand who you are and what you are looking for in a person you want date.
If you are anything like me who loves to work out, eat healthy, be in bed by 9pm, get up early on the weekend and hit up a café for breakfast followed by a trip to the farmers market……. then someone who drinks and parties non-stop may not be for you (bearing in mind being a drunk persons chaperone every weekend is just as tiring as being on a bender).  So maybe that’s a flag you would need to analyse.

Or the guy that makes you feel like you are 100% in a relationship but is still hitting up Tinder or Bumble and texting his side chick, again maybe that’s a flag.. No one wants to be any bodies fool. Or maybe that person that’s clinging on to something that really isn’t worth their time or energy.

Dating is about taking time, time to get to know each other.

There is no need to rush and there seems to be a lot of rushing, a lot of people that are really pushing to lock you down, like we are on some sort of time frame.

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I know I am a catch. I will give them that. But after one date…. talking to me about moving to another state with them for work isn’t going to work for me. Constantly discussing their bitter break up but insisting they are truly over it or even the person that that sends you borderline abusive texts all because you needed to reschedule a date. These are all red flags!
They are easy to see early on if you understand what it is you are looking for in someone you want to date. And look, there is nothing wrong with being head over heels for someone, its lovely ….. I am all for love!

But if you are dating someone or even just hooking up and that person is displaying or saying some things that make you feel unworthy, confused, mentally drained or like they are playing games my advice is to give it three days. Take some time out and think ‘is this person enriching my life or draining me?’ I recently took a step back and thought, if this person wants me in their life then they will show me.
Sometimes they show you by not ever texting you again or they think, ‘hmmm I haven’t heard from blah blah for a while, I will send her a text’.
People will always show you their red flags, you just have to really look at how they treat you, speak to you and make you feel.

Always trust your gut.

Ps. enjoy these screen shots from an ex red flag.

 

Happy dating !!

G.S xx

The Dating Game

Dating. It’s a word we all know and use, but do we really know what it means?
I’m a single 27-year-old and by now, I’ve seen some things.
Hell, I saw some things years ago, when I was much younger. I admit that some of those things were red flags, which I blindly ignored, probably because I didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ or appear to be a ‘psycho’.
Psycho – you know that word men love to throw at you, when you make a simple request like, ‘maybe clean the toilet before I come over later?’ –
I’m sorry, but guys come on, some clean sheets and a quick tidy will impress a woman more than having to sleep on a dog hair ridden bed.

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I recently ended a relationship with a guy who I loved and foolishly saw a future with.
It just so happened that he was moving to Canada for a year which was actually a compromise because he had originally wanted to go for two years. We had been dating for six months before he left to go, and for that six months it was like a grey angry cloud that loomed over our relationship.
I will admit that I never discouraged him from going because I was of the belief that he will miss me SO much, that he’ll come back to me and we will be happier than ever. What’s the saying? ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’?
To cut a long story short I waited faithfully for six months to see him, travel to him and have a beautiful holiday with him, only for us to break up in the middle of a street somewhere in Vancouver after he admitted to cheating on me.

So…. like any boss bitch would do, I grieved for that relationship and then moved on with my life.
Because let’s face it, why cry over a man that it doesn’t work out with?
If it was never going to work, he took the trash out for me- so thanks sweetie…

Much like every other millennial – I got back out there, and when I say ‘out there’ I mean Tinder.
You know that wonderful geo matching app that makes you feel like a piece of meat and for some reason guys just want to send you pictures of their junk at 3:40 in the afternoon?
Like, OK buddy – not all of us want to see that.
My friend, who is now engaged to a lovely guy, has been advising me, ‘G- please change your profile to read that you are looking for a relationship, It’ll help weed out the ones that are just after a hook-up’.
Well, you would think so hey?…… NO! It doesn’t.

So being the ball buster I am, I stepped up my dating game.
I match with them, we chat for 2.5 seconds and I be upfront.
I say, ‘I am not into the hook-up thing because I am worth more than that’- And trust me, if they don’t like that, they un-match you very fast.

Anyway, recently I have become a little smarter about my dating life, sure…
But I ask, when did it become ‘slutty’ to date more than one man at a time?
I am not talking ‘super fun sexy’ time either. I mean going for dinners, drinks, hanging out on the grass looking at the clouds (did that recently on a date, really sweet).
I want to be wooed and have a man think im not always there waiting by my phone for when they text or call and I want them to think I have a life.
Little hint, they love when you have your own stuff going on, a busy woman is attractive.

And also, why are we putting all our eggs into the one basket? Because I know for fact they aren’t just chatting to the one girl.
But yet as women we seem to meet a guy and then that’s it!! We invest all of our energy into him, we rehearse our wedding vowels (to ourselves) in the mirror,  until he ruins it by giving us major red flags.

So currently, I am chatting to a few guys, arranging ‘non sexual’ dates and keeping my ‘texting language’ very neutral and non-committal. So far it seems to be working.
Yes, my social calendar is busy trying to arrange dates.
Yes, it’s a little overwhelming –  but so what?

I cap my dates to a maximum of four hours because I have a life, but more importantly, I want them to know that I am not just going to be there all time.

And yes, I am doing this all with what feels like NCIS precision.

But I am playing a smarter game. Because it is a game and that’s not a bad thing.
It’s a fun game where the end prize is love and we all want to be loved.
Dating is fun, and it should be.
I like to go for drinks and get to know a man, treat it like you are interviewing that person for the role of potential partner, (they are doing that same thing to us).
And we all know that you don’t just hire any idiot that walks in off the street.

So ladies, I encourage you to get out there and stand up for yourselves.
Know that you are beautiful and you should be treated like the queens you are.
And stop settling for mediocre dates, guys not texting you back, and Tinder dick pics.

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G.S xx

#Twentyseven lessons

#1 Life is better with coffee.

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It’s my 28th birthday in a few weeks and it’s got me thinking about the last year. 27 is an important age, I knew it when I was younger and I sure as hell know it now. The year that makes or breaks you. I’ve cried a lot, laughed a lot, smashed a few more glasses but the lessons I’ve learned make me feel pretty damn grown up.
So- to the 27 lessons that have made me, thank you, for not breaking me.

#2 It all starts with being kind to yourself.

#3 If someone is meant to be in your life they’ll make the effort, they’ll show the fuck up.

#4 Don’t force situations or people, let things come and go as they please.

#5 Don’t chase anything that doesn’t speak to you.

#6 I am definitely allergic to cats.

#7 Don’t reconnect with toxic people in fear of being lonely, there’s nothing more beautiful than learning to be alone and fucking off the people who did wrong by you.

#8 Three words – Lush.Face.Mask.

#9 Be picky with who you invest your time with. Don’t waste money. Don’t waste makeup.

#10 Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

#11 Its okay to just be….

#12 Audio books are overrated.

#13 It’s hard to change yourself, it’s even harder to change someone else. The idea is – don’t waste your energy trying to change someone else. Focus on changing yourself or how you perceive other people. Or hey, maybe…don’t change a god damn thing.

#14 Trust yourself.

#15 What doesn’t kill you, will nourish you.

#16 Be honest with yourself.

#17 Give it three days…….

#18  ‘You won’t always be strong but you can always be brave’ – Beau Taplin.

#19 Never undervalue yourself.

#20 An ‘all nighter’ can ruin your week, lack of sleep destroys your soul.

#21 Spend time with people who are good for your mental health, if someone is draining you, take a step back.

#22 Focus on what you have, not on what’s missing – practice gratitude.

#23 Never underestimate the power of a good cry.

#24 Babies are cute, babies are also a lot of work.

#25 Don’t feel bad about breaking the rules.

#26 Bread, I can not quit bread.

#27 And last of all, feel a little bad for those who never go a little crazy.

I used to hate the idea of growing older and sometimes it still plays on my mind.
But if a struggle followed by a lesson comes every now and then, and helps me grow into the bad arse bitch I aspire to be, then bring on the ages.

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Ef. xx

Bench yourself for a bit

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An ex once said to me ‘you have no idea what it means to be in a relationship with anyone other than yourself’. So in other words I’m a selfish fuck.
Another dude I was dating, told me that I’m the most extreme woman he’s ever met, (and I refuse to take that as anything but a compliment).
But the selfish dig, cut me deep. It cut deep because truer words had never been spoken.

Their idea of a relationship was ‘making me work, so we can work to work it out’ like a Michael fucking Bublé song and my idea was…..different…..
‘You don’t agree with me? no worries – you’re about to clean up 13 plates I just smashed on the kitchen floor, have fun with that!’ 
Not so ‘Michael Bublé’ of me.

And sometimes I beat myself up a little, for not being in the dating game anymore. Another week, another month goes past and I’ve watched 7 different series on Netflix, 28 movies and read 6 books all the while my life partner is out there being a hoe. OR WORSE they are out there thinking they’re in love with someone else.
But the thing is – I had to take myself out. Mentally I’m not ready to join in on the ‘fun’ again. I’ve gone on a couple of dates here and there (fucking bore war), left dating sites active and my tinder app going but somethings just fucking off and its probably me.
3 years later and I’m still holding on to words said by my ex like they are paper clipped to my soul.

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I think I’m smart enough to know that I’m off at the moment and should take myself out of the game but some guys are idiots, some girls are idiots too. They’re dating around in hope they’ll find ‘the one’ and they have major baggage they’re lugging around.
In my expert opinion they should just bench themselves for a while, sort it out and make some fucking peace with it all.

Benching yourself: to take yourself out of the dating game for a period of time to focus on personal growth.

I mean the baggage I’m talking about is excessive though; You’ve got ex-wives you’re still living with because it’s cheaper than re-buying, you’ve got two baby mummas, three kids, recently divorced but your single now and ready.to.get.hitched. You’re like 39yrs old and heartbroken that she said no, you keep the engagement ring in a tiny box on your bedside table as a reminder of the love you had AND you 420 all day because you’re dealing with some intense energies from a past life. FUCK.

Dude, your mental health should be a priority.

Girls are no better, the attention to every detail of our baggage and heart ache is incredible – we literally use it as an excuse for being a hot mess. A cheating ex bf, a stoning piece of shit, a narcissistic fuck – you name him, we’ve been there.
It contributes to our pain, it makes us who we are and we lug it into our dating life, then into our relationships and then we blow up and smash all the wine glasses.
Fucking bench. We all need to be benching ourselves.

When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.

And I get it, some days I wake up wishing there was a match-making fairy god mother or whatever. When I’m in bed, period as fuck, I wish I had someone who would bring me an English breakfast on demand. I genuinely wish that the love of my life would come knocking on my door.
That happened to my Spray Tan Lady, she was telling me the story of how she met her husband.
He was her bin man and he would knock on her door each week to remind her to take the bins out so he could empty them with his truck. One week she heard him drive past and he hadn’t knocked on to remind her, so she ran outside chasing his truck down the street screaming, ‘STOPPP, YOU FORGOT MY BINS!!’
When he stopped, they both laughed and ended up exchanging numbers after a funny conversation. They’ve now been married 20 years and have 6 kids!!
I know deep down that she is the exception to the rule, but wouldn’t it be nice?

It’s scary to think that we need to be meeting a certain amount of people these days before we find the one and only. But given people are dating when they should be benching I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised that I’ve momentarily fallen in love a couple of times. Then BAM – they show their true colours and make me feel sick as fuck.

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It’s insane how personal growth can make you let go of the people you swore you couldn’t live without. It’s also insane how many people are willing to put themselves on hold for the sake of not being alone.

My babe G.S is back in the dating game now and from the side lines, she’s killing it. When I think about taking control of my life, I think taking control of the situations I’m in and where those situations will lead me. And she is taking control and being upfront from the get go, assertive as fuck.
So, if you are also taking control of your life and making good choices to get what you desire because you have a strong mind and know what’s good for you – then you should probably ignore my post about benching yourself.

But if you’re not like G.S, your minds ticking 100 miles an hour and your shitty choices are on overdrive. Bench yourself for a bit. You’ll realise a lot.

 

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Ef. xx