Bench yourself for a bit

benching

An ex once said to me ‘you have no idea what it means to be in a relationship with anyone other than yourself’. So in other words I’m a selfish fuck.
Another dude I was dating, told me that I’m the most extreme woman he’s ever met, (and I refuse to take that as anything but a compliment).
But the selfish dig, cut me deep. It cut deep because truer words had never been spoken.

Their idea of a relationship was ‘making me work, so we can work to work it out’ like a Michael fucking Bublé song and my idea was…..different…..
‘You don’t agree with me? no worries – you’re about to clean up 13 plates I just smashed on the kitchen floor, have fun with that!’ 
Not so ‘Michael Bublé’ of me.

And sometimes I beat myself up a little, for not being in the dating game anymore. Another week, another month goes past and I’ve watched 7 different series on Netflix, 28 movies and read 6 books all the while my life partner is out there being a hoe. OR WORSE they are out there thinking they’re in love with someone else.
But the thing is – I had to take myself out. Mentally I’m not ready to join in on the ‘fun’ again. I’ve gone on a couple of dates here and there (fucking bore war), left dating sites active and my tinder app going but somethings just fucking off and its probably me.
3 years later and I’m still holding on to words said by my ex like they are paper clipped to my soul.

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I think I’m smart enough to know that I’m off at the moment and should take myself out of the game but some guys are idiots, some girls are idiots too. They’re dating around in hope they’ll find ‘the one’ and they have major baggage they’re lugging around.
In my expert opinion they should just bench themselves for a while, sort it out and make some fucking peace with it all.

Benching yourself: to take yourself out of the dating game for a period of time to focus on personal growth.

I mean the baggage I’m talking about is excessive though; You’ve got ex-wives you’re still living with because it’s cheaper than re-buying, you’ve got two baby mummas, three kids, recently divorced but your single now and ready.to.get.hitched. You’re like 39yrs old and heartbroken that she said no, you keep the engagement ring in a tiny box on your bedside table as a reminder of the love you had AND you 420 all day because you’re dealing with some intense energies from a past life. FUCK.

Dude, your mental health should be a priority.

Girls are no better, the attention to every detail of our baggage and heart ache is incredible – we literally use it as an excuse for being a hot mess. A cheating ex bf, a stoning piece of shit, a narcissistic fuck – you name him, we’ve been there.
It contributes to our pain, it makes us who we are and we lug it into our dating life, then into our relationships and then we blow up and smash all the wine glasses.
Fucking bench. We all need to be benching ourselves.

When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.

And I get it, some days I wake up wishing there was a match-making fairy god mother or whatever. When I’m in bed, period as fuck, I wish I had someone who would bring me an English breakfast on demand. I genuinely wish that the love of my life would come knocking on my door.
That happened to my Spray Tan Lady, she was telling me the story of how she met her husband.
He was her bin man and he would knock on her door each week to remind her to take the bins out so he could empty them with his truck. One week she heard him drive past and he hadn’t knocked on to remind her, so she ran outside chasing his truck down the street screaming, ‘STOPPP, YOU FORGOT MY BINS!!’
When he stopped, they both laughed and ended up exchanging numbers after a funny conversation. They’ve now been married 20 years and have 6 kids!!
I know deep down that she is the exception to the rule, but wouldn’t it be nice?

It’s scary to think that we need to be meeting a certain amount of people these days before we find the one and only. But given people are dating when they should be benching I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised that I’ve momentarily fallen in love a couple of times. Then BAM – they show their true colours and make me feel sick as fuck.

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It’s insane how personal growth can make you let go of the people you swore you couldn’t live without. It’s also insane how many people are willing to put themselves on hold for the sake of not being alone.

My babe G.S is back in the dating game now and from the side lines, she’s killing it. When I think about taking control of my life, I think taking control of the situations I’m in and where those situations will lead me. And she is taking control and being upfront from the get go, assertive as fuck.
So, if you are also taking control of your life and making good choices to get what you desire because you have a strong mind and know what’s good for you – then you should probably ignore my post about benching yourself.

But if you’re not like G.S, your minds ticking 100 miles an hour and your shitty choices are on overdrive. Bench yourself for a bit. You’ll realise a lot.

 

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Ef. xx

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