Are you taking responsibility?

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I recently decided to put down my phone, step away from Netflix and get back into reading. I am not the type of girl that reads novels about love and empty promises, more the type to learn about how we tick and about our brains…..you can find me in the psychology and motivation isle of Dymocks during most lunch breaks.

So I did a little haul and tucked into my first book like Charlie Bucket tucking into all the sweets that Willy Wonka’s factory had to offer. I was hungry, hungry to learn.
And learn I did, I learnt so much that I went on a reading binge.
And do you know what I found out that was really simple yet needs to be smacked into your face sometimes? …..I am responsible. I am responsible for me and my actions and reactions. I didn’t realise this, well subconsciously I knew this, but consciously I didn’t.

Anyway, so being the sharer I am, I wanted to share with you guys in a ‘non preachy’ way, because I hope this will aid someone in some way?
The long and the short of it is – we cant control what people do to us. Yes, I know that sucks sometimes, wouldn’t it be easy if you could control some things… like that nice little top you saw at Zara last week on sale still being there when you get paid (fingers crossed for me please). Some stuff that happens to us straight up sucks and we cant always see the good in it or even the lesson at first or …ever. BUT what we can do is control and take responsibility for how we chose to react and move past this crappy stuff that happens to us.

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As you might be aware I am very open about my struggles with Anxiety, I dont like to keep it hidden away like a dirty little secret because I am not ashamed of it.
But I will say (and this may not help everyone with their struggle with anxiety but whats the harm in trying), I am now looking at things that happen to me like, ‘well OK, thanks for cheating on me – that sucks, but thats on you not me..all I can do is be responsible for how I let this crushing news affect me.’ Or another example, ‘you dont like me back (cute guy I have been into for like 6 weeks, and I feel like its going somewhere) OK then, its all good. I am responsible for how I deal with this.’ OR your friends wont text you back in a ‘normal’ texting response time, mmmmmm OK ‘not bothered’, pop that phone on hide alerts and go live your life.
(unless you asked them a question and you kind of need to know asap if the outfit you are trying on in Myer looks too mature for your damn fine 28 year old self) etc etc blah blah blah you get the point.

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Where I am going with this is…. are we carrying too much responsibility on our anxiety riddled plates? Can we afford to lose some of that heavy load?
Take a little time to assess what it is that is giving you anxiety right now. Write a list if you need to. (I do this and btw, its actually really good to see it written down on paper and you start to think…..wtf ….why did I write that?)

Lets try and ease our anxiety load and feel a little bit lighter. Taking responsibility by reassessing how we act and react. We all deserve that, we all deserve to feel a little freer in our lives. Switch off our devices, YES we hear this a lot but seriously not being connected makes us more connected. I cannot tell you how amazing it has been to get home from work and be excited to read in bed with my little diffuser going. Its utter peace.
And another little unexpected side effect, apart from how much better my sleep has been since I have cut down my screen time, my darling mother said that I seem to be a lot calmer.
So there you go my sweet little rays of moon shine, pop down the phone, pick up a book and tune out.

Happy Reading
G.S xx

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3 Things I’m loving right now…

“She gave it all, you gave her shit
She coulda done, just anything
Or anyone, cause she’s a goddess
You never got this
You put her down, you liked her hopeless
To walk around, feeling unnoticed
You shoulda crowned her, cause she’s a goddess
You never got this”IMG_9524

  1. Look, maybe I’m a little late to the game, but Banks is breathing new life into my soul every morning with her damn good music. I’ve been listening to her on Spotify repetitively and I don’t see myself getting sick of her music anytime soon. I’m obsessing…..IMG_9567
  2. GirlTherapy!!! I followed @girltherapy on Insta and subscribed to their DAILY newsletter.  I actually get therapy sent to my inbox every.single.day. Which is exactly what I need after a long day at work, when I just want some damn words of encouragement ….or something a little deeper. Great advice, amazing pick-me-ups and cute memes – ALL FOR FREE. IMG_9569
  3. So, my friend sent me a gift. A Gratitude Journal, 100 days of gratitude will change your life, by Natalie Fox. IMG_9565Super thoughtful of her but at first I wasn’t really into it. I placed it at the bottom of my bookshelf to collect dust with the idea that I would re-gift it at some point. HOWEVER, over the last few weeks I’ve been writing in it. It’s simple, cute and it actually really helps to bring my mind out of a funky place. Replacing negative thoughts with gratitude may actually be my new thing. IMG_9635

Just a few things I’m loving right now, keeping me going, keeping me sane.
Ef xx

Anxiety is a bitch

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Anxiety is a bitch to live with.
I am naturally quite an anxious ‘over thinking’ person, I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. I come from a beautiful family, my parents are supportive of me and I was fortunate enough to have Mum be at home full time when I was younger. As a child I was never too far from my Mum, as an adult I look back and think that may have contributed to my anxiety. I wasn’t a kid that loved change, the transition from primary school to high school was beyond traumatic. It may have involved me going to school for only one day, after spending 2 hours in the car that morning crying and refusing to go in – even the principal came out to try and get me to go in…. funny story to share now, at the time not so much.
So now that I am approaching 28,I have gathered some good tips and tricks that I use to keep my anxiety in check. I wanted to share some things that I do when I feel like things are getting a bit too much.

  1. I make sure I have a support system. I think it is super important to make sure that you have a great support system, whether that be friends or family it’s just really great to have someone you know you can rely on. I make sure I avoid toxic people
    and toxic situations as best I can. I will be realistic here – sometimes it may be
    someone from work like a shitty boss, where unless you leave, then you kind of can’t do too much about it. If I’m in that situation I have to use different coping
    mechanisms. I have been there, where I dread going into work each day and I can’t wait to leave! Sometimes I’ve had to sit and write out the pros and cons of staying at that particular toxic workplace.IMG_9571
  2. A big way that I deal with my anxiety is by exercise. I find it so helpful to just sweat and move, because I know for the duration of the workout my brain has a little holiday. When I say workout, for me it can be something as simple as a walk, a yoga session, tai chi or something as intense as F45. It’s really been about setting my own pace and finding what makes me feel good in that moment.
  3. Meditation! I like to meditate daily, but sometimes I just can’t get that happening. On these days I try and aim for 15 minutes of just lying in savasana literally just means laying on your back. There are heaps of meditation apps which are really great, there’s a few free ones which are awesome.
  4. Self-care Sunday’s are my favourite day of the week! I always keep Sunday free for
    myself. When you work 5 days a week and you only get 2 days off, you really need to schedule some alone time in there. I like to have a bath with a lovely, chunky, amazing smelling Lush bath bomb! I pop on a movie or tv show on my laptop, pour myself some kombucha and settle in with a hair mask and face mask on. That way, I finish off my weekend and head into a new week feeling like I have given myself some proper down time and love.IMG_9572
  5. I see a professional to talk through my anxieties which works amazingly for me. It’s very freeing and I always feel like my mind is a clean slate afterwards. They can be quite expensive to be honest, and I know I don’t have the budget for one. When I first started, I spoke with my doctor about going on a mental health care plan and now I get the sessions subsidised. But I know there is also online counselling which is becoming super popular. I’ve looked into it and It’s very helpful because you have regular access to trained professionals via the internet from your laptop or phone, you can choose your preferred method of contact and it’s normally much cheaper than an in-person session.

OK so like I said at the beginning, anxiety is a bitch, but I’ve learnt over the years how to cope and better live with it every day with just a few simple things. I live a full and happy life. Sometimes it’s just about stepping back and asking, am ‘I loving on myself right now?’

G.S xx

Navigating texting styles

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So, I have started seeing a guy, we aren’t exclusive or at least we haven’t had ‘the talk’ yet. It occurred to me recently, after spending a lovely weekend with him and those lustful feelings were in overdrive, that I wanted to be exclusive with him.
I wanted to have that conversation with him as soon as possible. So naturally I turned to my bestie and bombarded her with the feelings I had about him and she agreed that maybe, that talk needed to happen – but advised me to leave it for the next date.
Face to face is much better for these sorts of conversations. A few days had passed after our lovely weekend together and I was feeling a little left out in the cold.
You see, this guy that I am seeing is not the type of guy that I have dated in the past. He isn’t big on texting and that drives me into a crazy thought process. I start thinking, maybe he isn’t as into me as what I think? Maybe this is all in my head?
In person he is wonderful and we get along great, we really seem to click and I am really enjoying his company.
This little ‘texting issue’ started to affect my mood and started to change the way I felt about him but then I see him again and we are all good. So I know then that its just my mind not playing on my team.

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When you date someone or start seeing a new person, you really have to get to know their style of things, one of those things includes their texting style. I am a big fan of texting. I am that friend that sends random texts that leave you thinking wtf is she on? And I will blow up my friends phones (selected friends), because I know that I can and it’s not weird to me.
But we all have that one friend that wont reply to us for days on end and it can really leave you thinking, ‘am I the only one putting in the effort here?’ or ‘am I being annoying?’
Just like tying our shoe laces we all have a texting style.
Some people just aren’t on their phones very much, and some people actually prefer face to face talk and I love those people. But would it kill them to reply back within at least a 48 hour time-frame?
I mean come on people, you are driving my Virgo mind insane, I am all about efficiency.

Being the boss bitch I am, whilst on my most recent date with this boy, I decided to suss out what was up with his texting.  I asked him, ‘Dude, what’s with the texting or lack of it?’ And he was surprised…. he had no idea that it was an issue for me.
I told him, when I don’t hear from him that much during the week, even a simple text like, ‘How was your day?’ still makes me feel like hes not that into me.
I mean, I am not asking for much, I am a low fuss kind of girl. But a little conversation that I don’t have to initiate would be amazing!!
I was feeling like I was being that annoying girl messaging him, and he wouldn’t reply straight away even though he saw my messages……the fool has his read receipts on! Big mistake……….HUGE.

IMG_9485 - CopyI guess where I am going with this, is that if you have a relationship/friendship or are dating someone and you aren’t the same texting style and have been feeling in a similar way to me then you need to speak up.
It may be that the person isn’t into you and you are wasting your time texting them and
getting nothing or very little back. We don’t want to be wasting time on people who
don’t see how amazing we are because there are plenty of people out there who do!
Or it could be that you are dealing with a non-texter but your chemistry is great in person – and those people are truly an untapped market.
Communication is key and talking about these issues is crucial, even if it is as simple as asking, ‘Whats with your texting style?’ because you can save yourself a lot of crazy thought process time, if you just balls up and say, ‘What’s the go?’

Had I just gone, ‘this guy isn’t texting me like I want, I’m going to cut him out of my life…’ then I would be missing out on spending time with this beautiful onion who reveals a different layer every time I see him.

Did I have the exclusive conversation with him? I know you are all wondering…
I decided to see how the next few weeks go, because I am in no rush and I want to make sure that I am truly happy with what I am seeing and the actions that he is displaying before I commit to being exclusive. In the mean time I am happy just talking to him and seeing only him……but I am keeping that between you and I ……because I am a mystery girl after all.

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G.S xx

Im going to go with Introverted…

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When I was a kid my Mum would say to me, ‘If you want a friend, be one.’
As I grow older and my life continues to change, some of my friendships grow distant.
And it makes me think, are we actually growing apart or do I just need to be a better friend?
I have this fear as we are all drifting apart that it’s because I might be doing something wrong. Maybe I’m not being a good enough friend, I’m not asking enough about their life, or saying the right thing at the right time, not being supportive enough or calling or texting enough.
But the thing is, I’m not sure everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever, what was the norm when we were 21 isn’t so much the norm at 28.
Life changes and schedules get busier, family time takes priority and workloads are heavier. Ambitions are stronger, and the motivation is relentless. I think its natural, as it is sad, that friendships fade as you get older.
I do think Mum’s advice still stands though, ‘If you want a friend, be a friend.’

So, It’s 9 pm on Friday night, I’m home alone. I’m eating lightly salted popcorn, watching Netflix and writing to you. I think I’m home alone by choice? I mean, I know that if someone invited me to go out right now the answer ‘in my head’ would be a hell no. And I’d unashamedly tell them I’m in bed already #sorrybabe…next time.
But would I even go next time?
It’s that fine line of wanting to be invited out, but also never wanting to leave the house.
That want to be wanted but also pretty content in your own company.
And in turn, making it slightly difficult to make new friendships in your late 20’s.

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Have you ever done the Myers-Briggs personality type test? It’s used so frequently by businesses, in work places, on dating sites, and just generally well known for being so on point. I’ve done it quite a few times (for fun) and I spent a moment doing it again this afternoon.
According to the Myers-Briggs test, there are 16 different types of personalities. I fluctuate between INFP and ENFP. I’m assuming it’s because my general emotional state of being fluctuates just the same. The NFP part of it stands for Intuition, Feeling, and Perception. Whilst the I and the E stand for Introversion and Extroversion.

At least I know I’m intuitive and perceiving but what the fuck??!!
Do I like being around people or nah?
This is something I have genuinely struggled with in my mid-late 20’s. I want to be the life of the party. I am the life of the party, but I know what’s good for my soul and it’s not a party.  I crave the company but when I get it, I want it out of the door as quickly as it entered.
Do you see my dilemma?

When I was younger I was a lot more extroverted than I am now, pair that with self-confidence, dominance, and a touch of narcissism. I was a fire sign burning out of control. Too much alone time would leave me bored and restless, interacting with other people was my recharge.
And don’t get me wrong, when it’s called for, I still love being the centre of attention.
For example: Group interviews = smash them.
Oral presentations, I’ll go last so you won’t forget me.
Dinner parties? I’ll almost always sit at the head of the table.
I love the sound of my own voice and I’m not shy of the camera, on my good days.
But I need my space.

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I recently left my crib for 4 exhausting, very long days and attended a Health and Wellness conference. There were thousands of healthbrandfreak girls there, all decked out in their floral print dresses and heels, chatting not stop, sipping on pomegranate and lime detox tea, high on life. I cried.
No seriously…..I cried.
It was too much to deal with. I needed my down time, I needed to recoup, I needed space to bounce back. I just needed 1 day off to myself, to gain back my thoughts, wash my hair, moisturise, relax my mind and recharge. 4 days is a long time.

Its true that some people draw energy from others, from their outside environment, and some draw from within.
I definitely draw my energy from my Zen 28-year-old inner self that only makes an appearance when I’m alone.

The 4 day Conference was eye opening for me, not only did I discover that I stand out like a sore thumb at a Health and Wellness conference but apparently floral print is still trending like never before. These sorts of movements will only continue to grow as time goes on (and all power to them), but I dont think I see myself ever attending something on such a large scale ever again.
Im content with how I’ve changed over the years, I’ve experienced the wildfire that spreads super quick when my extroversion is at its peak. And for now, I enjoy the introvert life. I learn more, I sleep more and I make choices im proud of on a daily basis.


Making new friendships in your late 20’s is slightly difficult, even more so when you’re turning down invitations for a night out, to stay at home.

‘If you want a friend, be one’
But maybe its not all about that, maybe its about being your own friend first.

hmmm

Ef xx

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Ray of sunshine #motivation

I can really feel the energy of the Virgo new moon starting to take effect. My life actually seems to look a little brighter than usual. Weird, but true.

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Do you ever wonder how some people are positive, colourful, little rays of sunshine, candy floss 99% of the time? The ones that turn any negative situation into a rainbow. Those who take on a mighty challenge and look at it as personal development. The ones who clog up your news feed with smiling selfies and theGoodQuote.

If not, you’re probably one of them. and don’t get me wrong, you don’t annoy me, I admire you. But how are you positive and full of energy for life 99% of the time?

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To master life is to transform the energy we feel at any moment into cheerful engagement and deep appreciation.’

Lately I’ve been focusing on self awareness, practising mindfulness and reminding myself that happiness is a result of thought.
I mentioned briefly in my previous post that I’ve read quite a few self help books recently.
I’ve noticed that one of the things these books have in common is reinforcing the fact that happiness is a result of how we think.

It’s hard to absorb that and apply it to your life when its basically saying, ‘You’re responsible for your own happiness’, especially when you genuinely feel so ‘up and down’ and out of control, so much of the time.

So, I’ve been reading The Motivation Manifesto by Brendan Burchard : 9 declarations to claim your personal power.
Declaration #1 We shall meet life with full presence and power.

Living in the present, for an overthinking Virgo, is hard af.
It’s natural for me to check out of the present moment and think about tomorrow or next week, next month, even 5 years time.
I have this fear that tomorrow wont go according to plan or next week will be worse than the last. I zone out thinking about where I’ll be in 5 years, hoping that I’d have met my goals and succeeded in one way or another.
These worries take me away from enjoying the present moment, enjoying my life, there’s no flow. I have no god damn flow.

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‘If we are not vigilant, being around constant worry can quickly limit who we are and what we might be capable of.’

Apparently it’s pretty normal though and without talking about anxiety, I know I’m not alone. Practising self awareness has really helped me to connect with myself.
Without detaching from myself, I’m recognising how I am acting and reacting in the moment. Making choices to change my reality and thinking differently to feel differently.
Im noticing when I’m making poor choices, thinking negatively of myself or others around me.
Connecting with myself and my life is helping me sense a conflict straight up, it’s helping me to recognise that I’m about to go from 0-100 real quick and assess what the appropriate action to take is.
I’ve been making an effort to think before I speak, before I act and before I react.
And I’ve been asking myself the necessary questions to work out the results I want to see in my life.

img_9268‘Awareness + Discipline = Freedom’

I highly recommend reading The Motivation Manifesto. I know it’s been a popular read over the last year and I can see why. It’s written in such a way that his words play on your mind throughout the day. THEY NEVER LEAVE YOU.

My god, it’s all a big journey. But I think it’s a journey worth taking.
I’ve never wanted to be a lollipops and rainbows sort of a person, as principle. But there needs to be a balance. There needs to be a happy life behind the screens we all play on everyday. I don’t believe that you wake up one day and suddenly, your life is magic. I believe it takes a lot of grafting and mind-shifting to become the person you want to be.

So to the positive rays of sunshine bubble tea, that blow up my feed every morning – good on you… it’s not an easy feat.

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Ef. xx

Self care tips for the low times

Lately I’ve been feeling a little down, a little depressed and really not myself. It’s a feeling I’m used to and a feeling I’m sure, many can relate to.

Mental health is a number one priority to me and this last week of feeling low has got me thinking how glad I am that I have an action plan to put in place during these times.

Its taken me years to master the art of self care and sometimes when I’m feeling depressed, I forget that the only person who can make me feel better is actually me.

Here are my main 10 that keep me going

#1 I’m really into a good skin care routine, morning and night. Cleanser, toner, serum, moisturiser, eye cream- the whole works.

#2 When no one is home, I go to my Spotify app and basically play whatever the hell I want. I’m loving international music at the moment because it makes me feel like I’m anywhere but here.

#3 I delete the social media apps until I’m feeling better and read a good book. I recently read quite a few self help/ personal growth type books, which I’ll do a post on soon. To be honest, I feel like some of them repeat the same shit and the main take away is mindfulness. But it’s good to read a book that fuels your soul with positivity when you’re down.

#4 I do a full body moisturise session at night – I can’t recommend this enough. Going to bed and waking up with soft skin is the best feeling.

#5 I drink herbal tea before bed. It’s calming and detoxing.

#6 POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS. I’m not one to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I’m a goddess but journaling affirmations is a great time. It’s something that took me ages to get on board with because I found it kind of lame at first, but it feels so good to write positively about yourself. Especially when you’re feeling down and need a mind-shift asap.

#7 I take a long arse shower. I’m not really a bath person but if no one is home I’ll take the longest shower of the year. Someone told me recently that ‘lonely’ people shower longer because the hot water falling on their body makes them feel less alone…. I’ll have to agree with that. The hot water does me wonders.

#8 I stay hydrated – I drink a hell of a lot more water than usual.

#9 I eat something I love. I don’t binge eat but I forget about the calories, gluten and fat content for a night and eat something I really enjoy. I am loving strawberry sorbet at the moment and it’s my go to ‘sad food’.

#10 I text a friend. I never used to tell anyone when I was down but these days I do. I’ll send a friend a text or give a friend a phone call. Being that little bit more open with someone close about how I’m feeling, makes me feel better within minutes and makes me realise I’m not alone. It helps to connect when you’re feeling so disconnected- with someone who loves you for you. There’s no shame in feeling down. Life gets tough and friends should be there for each other.

Going through depressive episodes is hard. I know some get it worse than me and I can’t even imagine how shit that is. Some may eye roll at my self care tips but these things have really helped me push through on a bad day. It’s the little things we do for ourselves that make a big difference.

All I can say is things get better. Maybe things get hard again, but then they get better again.

Hang in there, listen to some cool music, wash your face and eat some strawberry sorbet.

Ef. xx