thoughts, blogging

Alarm Clock

Do you ever feel like an internal alarm has gone off in your brain and suddenly things need to happen?

Recently I have been feeling this overwhelming desire to be a wife, don’t ask me where it came from it has just started. I have wonderful parents who have been married for over 30 years, they are great role models for marriage to me, but I have never ever felt a need to be married. I always viewed marriage as a piece of paper that was the only thing separating the married from unmarried couples… but now it’s as if a switch in my brain has gone off and I want it. Now for starters I am aware that you need to have a willing participant to join you in the marriage and from what I hear it takes a lot of work….

I have heard that we as females (and males too) do get that desire to have a baby. A lot of my friends are currently feeling that alarm clock go off. It makes me think are some of us programmed to want marriage and babies?

I was recently speaking to a male friend of mine whose just turned 40, I asked him if he thinks about marriage. To be honest, being a male I expected him to say no but he surprised me and said, ‘More than I care to admit’. With that response I thought, shit…. maybe we are all thinking about it. He is single and doesn’t have any children, we spoke about his desire to have a wife and children but he is facing the reality that it may not happen for him.

I know in our society we always think it’s the women who want these things, that we have this ticking clock and then we become ‘clucky’. Urgh I detest that word, I think it is really disgusting when you show the slightest interest in a child and people say ‘oh watch out, someone’s clucky’ – like no, fuck off Lynn, I am not! I am holding my nephew who I helped scoop his poo out of the bath the day before so I am good thanks. (that is a true story by the way, it stank rank, but I love that kid).

Anyway as I was saying, do we have an inbuilt desire for things we never really thought we wanted? Is it due to growth, love, loneliness, impatience, security…what makes it go off? I know for me it just hit me one day and I thought ‘Oh, how I would love to be a wife’ and don’t worry I am not going to advertise that to every man I know ….because I am sure that really attracts them… they are very quick to call us ‘crazy’ aren’t they.

I guess it just makes me think that we are all going through life and some of us are facing the reality of wanting things, which we might really want but it might not be in our control to have. It makes me wonder if we all have an inbuilt alarm clock that goes off inside of us, perfectly suited for each and every one of us, and then we start living our life accordingly. All of our thoughts are then a result of this alarm clock that went off say 4 months ago saying ‘time to find a husband or time to have baby number one’.

I think – nothing stays the same and life changes, but let’s change in the direction we want it to go. It might not be on everybody else’s time but it’s on ours and that’s OK. So when you feel that alarm clock going off it’s OK, you don’t have to spring up and frantically run around…you can just notice it, acknowledge it’s going off, but don’t let it consume you. Keep making choices to take steps in the directions you want to go.

G.S xx

thoughts, blogging

Feeling Myself

I am naturally a bit of a loner, don’t get me wrong, I love my social time and boy do I thrive in it. There can be nothing better sometimes than to just spend time with a group and enjoy conversations and some laughs. But lately I have retreated a little more into my shell, I am not sure if it is because I have some big things happening on the horizon and maybe my way to process this is to just lock myself away and spend some time by myself. I found myself home alone one Saturday morning (and in my house that is a rarity). The house was quiet and I didn’t have anything to do so I thought, I know what I will do…watch porn without headphones in or on mute! I know female masturbation is a bit of taboo (apparently we don’t do it!) But I spent a good amount of time tending to my needs and fuck it was amazing! I was feeling a little melancholy pre masturbation but post masturbation I was feeling like I was floating and I did that all by myself!!! BOSS BITCH!!..

Earlier in the week I had a conversation with my Mum and sister about when my parents had ‘the talk’ with us and how it was different to the one they gave my brother. How they spoke about masturbation to him and that it was completely normal but they never mentioned it on our talks. Sure, this probably wasn’t unlike a lot of other parents when they gave the talk to their daughters. My sister said that she thought it was so wrong and spent so many years thinking it was a bad thing to do and that somehow someone would find out and she would get into trouble. I on the other hand naturally figured it out by myself (we didn’t have smart phones) and I remember thinking I had discovered this amazing thing that made me feel really happy.

We live in a society now where everyone has access to everything, we grow up faster than we ever did generations before us. But why in 2019 is female masturbation not really something that is brought up? I mean I have seen a few things here and there on various blogs or articles, but it’s not as main stream as male masturbation. It is such a natural act and yet many women keep it a secret, like it is something that’s dirty or wrong.

I remember when I stumbled upon a great T.V show Broad City and they were doing it and talking about it and I was in my early twenties thinking YES!! This is the shit we need to see and it not being sexualised but just a natural act that we as women engage in, just like men do and it’s perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed about.

I think as females we can tend to feel a bit like objects when it comes to sex but we need to turn that and be proud to be strong females who masturbate and we don’t need another person to engage in that with us (not all the time at least) but we can use masturbation as a way of reconnecting with ourselves. We have the power whether be by our own hands or the help of devices, we can make ourselves orgasm and I think we should be so fucking proud of ourselves that we can do that! Masturbation is a gift and we should embrace it and experiment with it!

Happy masturbating

G.S xx

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thoughts, blogging

Moody Baby

Let’s talk about moods baby….

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Until recently I considered myself to be pretty level in my moods. Yes, I have my up and down moments but don’t we all…

If you ask my parents they would say that I am a bit of a short tempered little fire cracker. I once broke my toe kicking a bed frame in the heat of frustration (I told people it was because I dropped a weight on it at the gym). One particular person I dated described me as a hurricane….so you get the idea.

Like a lot of people, I have been in and out of various depressive states in my life, as you would you know, I am very open about my struggle with mental health. But recently I have noticed that I have been up and down like a yoyo, happy and enjoying life then hitting the depths of despair and feeling like I couldn’t see where in life I was heading.

Its is no particular point of my life that I am worried about, I am feeling like I am cruising along at a good pace right now. For example – I have my goals I want to achieve and each day to day seems to be going well. So what’s the deal with my moods?

At first I thought it was because I wasn’t getting my usual 8-9 hours of sleep a night… Virgos love their sleep and its best for all involved that you stay away from me if you know that I haven’t had that 8-9 the night before.

Naturally, when I was in day 5 of the cloudy mental health haze, I was worried – was this going to be hanging around for long? What has caused it? Sleep, work, hormones… the list could go on.

So I decided that I was going to keep a little journal to monitor my moods during the day, nothing too in depth or tedious. But on the hour I would set an alarm to go off to take my little break from the computer and check in with how I felt at that time and what mood I was in. Obviously apart from tired and no doubt hungry, I noted down how I was feeling. I did this for an entire week, noting down what about that day had made me upset or happy etc. I really got an insight into just how much my mood changes over the course of a day. I highly recommend this, it helps to pin point triggers, and keeping a time line like this also helps you to be more aware of yourself. We don’t check in with ourselves enough and really ask ourselves how we are feeling and why.

Anyway – In the past I would have worried and thought people would think I was so moody and tried to maintain an upbeat demeanour, hiding behind a mask of fake bullshit happy. But I have since learnt that I really couldn’t give a fuck what people think and I will carry on being the moody strong bitch I am.

Since when did we all have to be walking around feeling great about everything? Why can’t we sometimes just not have a smile on our face? Or why cant we just feel flat and angry about something? We are human! We have the ability to experience a lot of different emotions. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and sometimes it’s not just one thing that brings on a mood. So let’s not beat ourselves up if we aren’t always feeling happy. In the down times it really makes you appreciate the good times.

That being said if you are experiencing depression or anxiety and it is crippling your life, it is really important to seek help from someone you trust and feel comfortable with. I know myself it is a bitch having to go through psychologist/psychiatrist and telling them your story only for you to not like them or their approach doesn’t gel with you but it definitely helps to unload that heaviness.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing depression, you can seek help

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Talk soon, G.S xx

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thoughts, blogging

Thank u, next

All I can say about 2018 is ‘thank you, next’. I literally spent the night of NYE at home, being super lazy around the house and not a care in the world that I was asleep before 10pm. #goals

This year is going to be the year I quite literally shake the ground from under me. I mean, why do people hate so much on new year resolutions? If someone wants to better themselves isn’t that a good thing?

In 2017, I was so incredibly dumb and I definitely paid the price for it last year. But lessons have been learnt and mistakes won’t be repeated. So I’m using the next couple of days to decide what no longer feeds my soul and let it go. No. 1) Officially letting go of drama and toxic negativity and filling those empty spaces with new beginnings and healthy energy.

Because I don’t know about you but just this period between 25 and 30 has me so caught up. They’ve been the most anxiety driven years of my life. Obviously not speaking for the next two years but so far I’ve seriously spent so much of my time in a panic bubble. I worry about my future, my goals, a partner, success, a house, kids, finances, my parents getting old, my health, my friends health, my alarm going off, the fine lines under my eyes. It’s not so much about what people think of me anymore – it’s so much more than that. And It’s so easy to fall into a state of depression and anxiety when your mind is constantly burdened with worry about things that are out of your control in the present moment.

But I’ve decided 2019 is my year.

I’ve been a dumb, sad bitch – honestly. And when I list off all the things my life can do without, it makes me wonder how I ever functioned with them in it.

Letting go of the following in 2019:

– Trying to please everyone

– Sacrificing my happiness for others – like all the time though

– Self doubt

– Caring what others think

– Living in the past

– Toxic people

– Negative self talk

– Bad sleeping patterns

– Thinking I’m not enough

– Comparing myself to others appearance or success

– Fearing change

I could build a longer resolutions list but we would be here all day. I could add a list of all the physical changes I would love to make, all the wardrobe and styling changes, the home decor changes and at the end, write how I refuse to do anything other than my very best in whatever studies or work 2019 brings me. But that’s all irrelevant to this post- my goal this year is to fall back in love with myself, in love with the world and life again. I feel like this list is almost essential in playing a role in that.

So with that being said…..

We hope the next 12 months for you are full and you never feel empty inside. We hope good things happen for you and life is never dull or stale.

We hope you find the courage to make every day mean something. We hope you remember that even if you’re not perfect it doesn’t mean you’re not important.

We hope your year has begun on a good note and you are feeling loved.

Happy 2019 ❤️

G.S & Ef xx

Uncategorized

Beauty Sleep

So…. is it just me or does anyone else take around 1.5 hrs to get ready for bed?

It’s become apparent to me that I have a pretty long ‘before bed’ routine. My beauty sleep is super important to me, so of course I’ve incorporated the longest beauty routine EVER into my schedule each night. I go to bed fairly early, around 8-9pm – depending when my alarm is set to go off the next morning. Really keen on getting 8-9 hours each night. So that means that most nights I’m getting ready for bed pretty darn early.

Here’s my routine and all the little goodies I use to keep me feeling fresh.

♥Herbal things first. I have green tea as my night time drink. Some people might dispute this one and say it will keep them awake, but for me not at all. I find it great for my skin -keeping me looking fresh and detoxifying for my body. I make sure I time it right, not having it too close to sleep time otherwise I’ll have to go to the bathroom in the night.

♥Multivitamins! I take two calcium and magnesium multivitamin tablets, obviously this isn’t for everyone – it’s all a personal choice. My levels aren’t necessarily low but the extra couple of tablets at night really help to relax my body. I notice a difference in how busy my body feels when I don’t take them. Hmmmm- interesting.

♥Shower time. I’m prone to taking really long showers and it’s kind of hard not to when I use products like – ‘Honey I washed the kids’ by Lush, which smells like an actual honey farm. I wash my hair every second night and i’m really into Essano- Argan Oil of Morocco Nourishing shampoo and conditioner. Its a bit heavy on my hair but it smells beautiful and I try my best to use products that are deemed cruelty free. I have unforgiving thick, long arse hair, so I tend to let it dry naturally and then braid it so it doesn’t tangle while I sleep. Plus side – I have waves to kill for when I let my hair out.

♥FACE!!! My night skin care routine is different to my morning routine and I seem to change it up every 3 months or so. At the moment, I’m a big fan of charcoal face products. My skin absolutely effing vibes with them…for now anyway!
My favorite cleanser right now, which I seem to be going through really fast, the Dark Angels fresh cleanser by (of course) Lush. Feels more like a scrub though, it’s made with black sugar and charcoal to exfoliate, and rhassoul mud which deeply cleanses. I have to use A LOT of cold water to mix it in before I wash my face otherwise my face stains black but it’s flipping beautiful. Also a big fan of the Charcoal tissue masks, I use these just once a week with no other prep work or after care. It literally brings my face back to life on its own. I’m in love with this charcoal trend.

♥Moisturise. If you have read my previous posts on self care you would know that I’m a big fan of Moistursing. I don’t exactly have obvious dry skin but If I don’t moisturise before bed I have a very uncomfortable nights sleep. I have tried countless body moisturisers and I’m definitely open to suggestions but at the moment I’m using the Nivea 48hr express hydration. If I have freshly shaven legs, and being summer I feel like I’m doing this everyday, I’ll wait 30 minutes to an hour before applying. BUT I don’t apply this to my face, body only. I’m particular with what I do and don’t apply to the face.
Another little favourite of mine at the moment is fractionated coconut oil. This is one I can apply after I’ve freshly shaven without a worry.
It’s basically the same as coconut oil but it’s had the fatty acids removed, so I can freely apply it to anywhere without the worry of clogging up my pores or leaving that greasy trace. 

♥Brush your teeth!!! Can I just say – I flipping hate toothpaste. It makes me gag. So I’m not about to get into a toothpaste branding debate. But has anyone else been hooked on the carbon cocoa activated charcoal teeth whitening?….. I brush my teeth as normal, then I go over with the carbon and then brush them quickly again as normal to make sure all the charcoal has gone. It works! It’s not at all phony. I mean, it doesn’t last forever and you have to keep doing it daily as the results are temporary BUT it’s harmless and a cheap way to whiten your teeth. Plus it doesn’t taste awful, and smells kind of nice.

♥Prep!!! I’m pretty obsessive when it comes to organising my day in advance.
I like to make sure everything is organised for the next morning, outfit, food prep, bag packed, where I’m going, how I’m getting there, timetables etc. This way I’m going to sleep knowing I don’t have to stress about anything for the next day because it’s already done and ready to go – I just have to turn up on time looking fresh. Does it always work? No, not at all! But it definitely relieves me of any anxiety so I get a good nights sleep.

♥Bed time (finally). I’m really into diffusers and essential oils at the moment. I love my little diffuser with a built in light. I used to sleep with a lamp on and this saves me having to do that. At night I’ve been diffusing Vetiver. It has so many benefits one of them being a natural sedative. But for me it’s done wonders for any inflammation, my skin feels moisturised and my mood is very calm and grounded. Before I started using the diffuser I would lay in bed thinking the most absurd thoughts before I fell asleep, if I ever fell asleep…..but now I’m pretty chilled and fall asleep within minutes.

Some people literally just brush their teeth (hopefully) and go to bed. I envy those people and if you’re one of them -HOW do you do that??!! If I do that, my sleep is broken and I wake up looking and feeling like a mess.

Anyway, until next time  XX Ef


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thoughts, blogging

Forgiveness <3

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‘We dont get to choose what is done to us, we do however get to choose how long it is done to us’

I’ve had to do a little forgiving recently, sometimes I feel like I’m always doing a little forgiving but this time it was next level. I had to first forgive myself and then forgive some people without ever receiving any form of an apology from them.

Quick thing about forgiveness: It frees our mind and spirit. It’s healing for our body. It puts the power back in our hands. It creates a peace of mind and It gives us back control over our thoughts.

So I had to re-connect with a part of myself I’ve been avoiding for a long time.
They say in order to be free, you must first forgive yourself and then forgive others. I found that hard to do. It was draining. Draining forgiving myself and draining forgiving people I’ve had deep anger towards for a long time.
I feel like some people think forgiveness might be easy- and for some, maybe it is. Just like saying, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I love you’ the words may roll off the tongue with such importance and likewise the words ‘I forgive you’ may hold just as much power.
But for me….not so much. There’s always a thought process, ‘why am I sorry? why are they sorry? .. are our actions proving so? whats the next step?’
So just the same for forgiveness, it requires work, this time though – a shit load of work. And a whole lot of questions that needed to be answered but only I could answer them and a lot were left unanswered. I was throwing around positive affirmations like they were spells and I went on a massive cull.

Unfortunately I’m only human, forgiveness is not forgetting. It doesn’t matter how many hours I work, books I read, how much music I listen too, forgiveness is not forgetting.
But with every flashback, I feel a little stronger. I have more respect for myself. I’m no longer angry at what anyone has done, they’ve shown me what I need to know. And God damn my standards have been raised.

What’s that quote? ‘If you expect nothing from anyone, you’ll never be disappointed’
Fuck that- when did we all stop expecting, I expect so much more.
It only takes one person to come into your life and treat you like a qween for you to realise that everyone else was so so wrong. The standards need to be re-evaluated and set higher.

Forgive yourself, forgive them and then raise the bar so damn high because you deserve nothing less.

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Ef xx

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thoughts, blogging

Boundaries, Connection, Balance

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I have to be honest with you, I’ve been running on empty.  And I dont mean I’ve been surviving on little sleep each day – I mean that by the time bed time comes around again, I have to remind myself ‘a good nights sleep’ is the one thing that will get me through another day. Running.On.Empty.
Sometimes we need more than a good sleep each night to get us through a busy week. Sometimes a good nights sleep just doesn’t cut it.

I remember when I was in my early 20’s I could survive on very little sleep, every single day was exciting and every night was even more exciting than the last. I didn’t mind getting little sleep each night, in-fact I was prone to taking quick naps during my lunch break so I would have more energy to enjoy my night. I didn’t run on empty. My life was fascinating. I was running on whatever fuelled my soul. Now at 28? not so much.
Is it that I’m getting older or has life become a disappointment? I’m not sure, but that’s for another post.IMG_9748But the one thing I do know – I can be very ‘all or nothing’. You know those people who are ‘all work’ and no play or they are ‘all play’ and no work. They either save every cent they earn or they go on a spending binge until they have nothing left. One month they’re claiming to be a sugar addict and the next they’re on a strict sugar free diet……All or Nothing – that’s me. Hi.

Being the ‘all or nothing’ type person I am, I recently tried to set some boundaries in my life. I felt like there wasn’t enough time in the day to achieve what I needed to achieve. I decided to go on a massive cull and remove my social life, my down time and any other distractions from my planner and just focus on what needs to be done.
Bad mistake.
I was already running a little low. My soul was already starting to feel a little disconnected and my days were already getting that little bit too repetitive and THEN I decided to make it worse by removing break time and replacing it with work time.
IMG_9750So- setting harsh boundaries for myself lasted as much as a few days before it became quite clear to me that I needed more. I needed balance. A balance of everything that needs to be done, something to look forward to, and some downtime.
I love the Virgo in me. But the one thing a Virgo needs to be reminded of is – self care.
You can’t really expect to be performing as your best self if you aren’t first taking care of yourself. And taking care of yourself includes a mix of social time and down time…. believe it or not.  Connecting with others and then reconnecting with yourself.
But away from work, away from study. Away from the mundane routine of life that we all have to be apart of every single day. And at the same time setting some damn boundaries. I know … WTF. But when I thought about it some more it was quite simple.

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So downtime isn’t exactly binging on Netflix for 8 hours if it means you get behind on your studies. Rather fitting in a couple of hours to catch up on an episode or two in-between study sessions. It doesn’t mean going on a bender for a weekend and getting run down, rather a night out a month- away from all responsibilities to let your hair out.
It doesn’t mean ALWAYS saying no and it doesn’t mean ALWAYS say yes. Its finding a balance that works for you. Setting boundaries that feel right to you.
Staying connected and then reconnecting with yourself.

AND can I just say that sleep is GREAT.  9 hours of sleep each night really helps to get me through another day for sure. But there’s got to be more to life than just work, study, eat, sleep and repeat. Looking forward to bed time, is that a good sign? At 28?
I mean when I was 24 I could think of nothing worse, I just wanted to embrace my life.
There’s got to be a life to look forward to after work, between study sessions, after dinner and when you wake up in the morning.
Sleep shouldn’t be the one thing that keeps you going. Your life should.

Ef xx
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